Your Art Matters
by heysonya
Summary: Summary indside! Takes place after season five finale! Read and review!
1. Chapter 1

**So, here's another story I shouldn't be starting because I have another story I'm on hiatus with. Ha-ha. Oh well. This idea popped in my head, and I decided to go with it. Let me know if you like it. If you do, I'll continue. If I don't get any reviews, I'll probably delete it.**

**So, read and then, review if you like it!**

**Summary: Takes place during/after season five finale, but Lucas doesn't call anyone to go to Vegas with him. What happens when Peyton gets in a car accident that puts her in a coma, and Haley finds six journals of hers that Lucas reads? Will there be consequences?**

**Oh yeah, I don't own One Tree Hill, or anything.**

**MAJOR THANKS TO: Heather. Thanks so much, seriously!!**

**This takes place at the end of the Season Finale where Lucas and Haley are sitting on the Rivercourt, and goes from there.**

**:)**

**-xoxo, Sonya**

-xoxo-

Lucas flipped the switch to turn the big overhead lights on, and noticed something. Someone had painted the River Court. There was a comet in the middle and what appeared to be lyrics around it. Lucas noticed an "I'll always love you", and knew right away who had painted this. He sat down in the middle of the comet, which was in the middle of the River Court, and thought about everything that had happened. Peyton coming back, Lucas and Peyton's kiss, and then his proposal to Lindsey. Lindsey leaving, Lindsey dating other people, and then Lucas' suspension from the basketball team. He shook his head and sighed. He thought back to Haley's comment from earlier in the day. _I would laugh if this wasn't so screwed up._ Lucas thought, _Yeah, I would too._

Haley showed up, as if she knew Lucas were thinking about her, and said, "Very… Peyton."

Luke looked up at her and nodded. "Yeah."

She sat down next to him and said, "What are you doing here Luke?"

He sighed, then finally responded. "I think I'm going to take off for awhile, you know, clear my head." He shook his head and said, "It's too hard being here right now, Hales."

She nodded and rubbed his back. "I know, Luke."

He nodded his head and got up. "I'm going to go Haley. I'll call you before I leave, alright?"

She nodded, and gave him a sad smile before he turned and left.

-xoxo-

_A few hours later…_

Lucas was sitting in the Tree Hill Airport, waiting for his flight to board. A couple of hours was all it took for Lucas to feel like shit. Lindsey came over telling him his book was done, and that this was goodbye. He hated her saying goodbye. In his mind, he could still win her back. Obviously, he was wrong. Luke shook his head and picked up his phone. It rang a few times, and then Haley picked up. "Hello?"

"Hey, Hales. I'm at the airport. I'm heading out in a little bit."

"Where are you going?" she asked.

"Don't know. I mean, I do, but I'm not telling you. If I tell you, you'll tell Peyton, and God knows what will happen then."

Haley shook her head and sighed. "Lucas…" she trailed off in a knowing voice.

"I'm not telling you Hales. All you need to know is I'm heading out and you _won't_ come after me, right?"

She nodded, after a few minutes of thinking. "Fine. I won't come after you, but I will tell Peyton you're leaving."

"Okay, fair enough. I've got to go Hales. I'll be back in a month or so."

"Okay, Luke, have… fun? I don't know, Lucas. Try and find what you are needing to find, okay? Call me every once and awhile, please?" she pleaded.

"Okay, bye Hales. I'll call, don't worry."

"Bye Lucas," she said and hung up.

-xoxo-

_Meanwhile…_

"Okay, Mia, calm down. Yes, I do understand how earth shattering it is to see a hot guy walk away from you." Peyton rolled her eyes. "Mia, he's just a guy. You yourself said you didn't-" Peyton was cut off by Mia shrieking in her ear. "Okay, Mia. Just calm down. If it's that important, go talk to him?" Peyton laughed at Mia's shock. "Okay, fine. I got to go, good luck Mia! Bye," Peyton sing songed, and then hung up.

Peyton chuckled to herself. Then, all of a sudden, Haley came bursting through the doors. "Peyton!" she yelled.

Peyton looked at the girl like she was crazy. "What?"

"Lucas is lgone." Haley said, out of breath.

Peyton shook her head. "Okay, Haley. Go drink some more of that crazy juice you had before you came over here."

Haley shook her head, throwing her bag down in frustration. "No, Peyton, I'm serious!"

Peyton looked at her again. "What do you mean he's... gone?"

"I don't know, all I know is he told me he needed to get out of here for awhile. He won't tell me where he's going, and he said he's going to be gone for a month." Haley shrugged, then said, "I'm sorry Peyton."

Peyton shook her head. "It doesn't matter now Haley. He didn't tell you because he didn't want me knowing." Haley tried to tell her otherwise, but Peyton knew Lucas too well. "I need to let go… because its hurting too much to hold on," she said sadly.

Haley walked over and hugged her friend. She felt awful for how stupid her friends were being, but there was nothing she could do. The rest of their lives were in fate's hands now.

**Okay, I realize this is short, but I didn't want to put anything else, really. So, the next chapter will be longer, and I hope you like it!**

**-xoxo, Sonya**


	2. Airport Surprises

**Here's chapter two! I hope you guys like this story. Thanks again to Heather. You've been a huge help!**

**Read and review!**

**-xoxo, Sonya**

Peyton had rung her hands red, sitting at her desk in her office at the studio waiting for Haley to call and tell her when Lucas was to get home. It had been two months since Lucas left. No one heard from him except Haley, and Peyton one night when he was "drunk dialing". It had been only two weeks (not that Peyton was counting) when he called. He was obviously drunk. Peyton tried to get out of him where he was, but all he did was go on and on about how sorry he was and that he missed Lindsey and blah, blah, blah. Peyton got fed up and hung up the phone. That was the last she herself heard from him.

Peyton had been trying to do a lot while Lucas was away, trying to keep busy with the label and Haley's new CD and even Mia's tour. But Haley's CD was finished, and awesome, by the way, and Mia was home from the tour, and working on writing some other songs for a new CD, so now all Peyton did was listen to potential clients, and while it was an extremely awesome job, it didn't keep her from thinking of Lucas or drawing things that totally made her think of Lucas. In Peyton's mind, it was pathetic really. Lucas wanted nothing to do with her, that much was obvious. So why couldn't she just let him go? _Because it hurts too much to let go, but it also hurts too much to hold on,_ she thought to herself.

Peyton had put in a CD of a potential new sign, but she couldn't concentrate on the music. She was preoccupied, and she knew she shouldn't be trying to do anything else but sit and wait for a phone call from Haley.

Finally, twenty minutes later, Peyton was sitting trying to decide if she should do something or just wait, when the phone rang. She picked it up before the first ring ended. "Hello?'

"Hi Peyton," Haley said with a smug voice. She knew her friend couldn't wait to see Lucas, even if she wasn't going to admit it to anyone else.

"Hales, is he home? Where'd he go? Is he in a good mood? Where are you?" Peyton bombarded Haley with questions.

Haley laughed. "He isn't home yet. I don't know where he went. I'm on my way to your studio."

Peyton sighed. "Why, Haley? I can't come with you to the airport."

"Yes, you can. We're taking your car, because Nathan took mine. Therefore, you _have_ to drive me to the airport."

Peyton sighed. She really didn't want to do this, but she didn't have a choice. "Fine, I'll do it, but how are you on your way to the studio if you don't have a car?" Peyton questioned.

"Nathan's driving, and then he's going to take the car."

Peyton nodded. "Fine, see you in a few."

"Bye!"

-xoxo-

Ten minutes later, Haley and Peyton were driving toward Tree Hill Airport to pick Lucas up. Peyton was out of her skin, she was so nervous, while Haley was just excited to see her best friend and find out where he went. Peyton was thinking of staying in the car when Haley went to pick up Luke, but Haley decided otherwise. "No, you are _not_ staying in the car!"

"Why not Haley? He probably doesn't even want to see me!"

Haley rolled her eyes dramatically. "Who cares what Lucas thinks? I mean, 

seriously, the boy is a total nutcase right now!" Haley said accusingly. "I mean, honestly Peyton, when have the thoughts of Lucas Scott ever stopped you before?" Haley joked, but when she saw Peyton's nervous expression she rubbed her shoulder. "Peyton, it's going to be okay. I promise."

"Don't make a promise you can't keep," Peyton mumbled to herself so Haley wouldn't hear her.

-xoxo-

Lucas got off the plane and walked through Tree Hill airport. He shuddered at the thought of returning to the drama that had become his life. He wanted to see his friends, but every step he took, the thought of staying with his mom, Andy, and Lily became more and more appealing. He had left Tree Hill to go stay with his mom and Andy on their boat they were taking around the world. They went to the Caribbean, and then Lucas took a plane from there to home.

He looked around for Haley, because she had called him ahead of time to let him know she was picking him up. There were plenty of people around, people leaving behind their lives and others just returning, but Lucas couldn't find Haley. _Where is she?_

He shook his head when he saw her, finally, sprinting towards him, waving her arms. "Lucas!"

He spotted her and chuckled. When she was close enough, he said, "My, my, Haley, that eager to see me?"

When _she_ was close enough, she smacked him. "Shut up. I am, after all your only way of transportation home, you know."

He chuckled and wrapped his arm around Haley's shoulder. "Come on, I want to 

get out of here."

Haley gulped. She hadn't told Lucas about Peyton, who was waiting in the car. She had left Peyton waiting because she was tired with arguing with the curly headed blonde. "Actually, Luke, I forgot to tell you…" Haley trailed off when she noticed Peyton standing by the doors of the airport. She was looking at something off to her right, not realizing Lucas and Haley were headed right for her. Haley quickly turned on her heal, pulling Lucas with her. "Come on," she said, urgently, "Let's go get a bite to eat!'

Lucas rolled his eyes. "Hales, I love you and all, but I will _not_ eat anymore airport food for you. I also know for a fact you hate airport food for some strange reason. So what's really up?" Lucas asked Haley, pulling her back in the direction of the airport doors.

Then, Luke spotted her. He stopped abruptly. Haley caught on to why and said, "That's what's up. I'm sorry Lucas, I didn't have a car, and she did, and so I didn't have a choice and originally the plan was to keep her in the car, and you guys wouldn't even have to say anything but now…" Haley trailed off, gesturing towards where Peyton was standing.

Peyton noticed the pair stopped and were staring at her, so she slowly made her way over. _It's already awkward and we're not even talking yet,_ Peyton thought sadly. She shook her head and thought about placing a smile on, but quickly changed her mind. She knew Lucas would see right through her anyways, so why hide it? She waved to Lucas, and he nodded in her direction. When she finally got in front of the two, she said, "Hey Luke. How was the trip?"

He shrugged. "Good," he said, still sort of in shock.

She nodded, and then asked, "Well, ready to go?"

He nodded, and they started walking out of the airport. The tension between Lucas and Peyton was thick enough you could, as they say, cut it with a knife.

Haley sighed and rolled her eyes. She jumped into the front seat of "the Comet" and told Luke to get in the back. She wasn't putting up with the quiet all the way home, she refused to!


	3. Tense Drives and Red Lights

**Okay, so here's chapter three! I hope you guys are liking this story. I think I'm going to wait and post chapter four until I get like 6 reviews, because that's the number of reviews I got after I posted ch. 1 and 2. So, read and review!**

**-xoxo, Sonya**

-xoxo-

Peyton just stared straight ahead. She didn't bother talking, because Haley was doing plenty of that for all three of them.

Lucas just looked out the window and sighed quietly. Haley was going on about something, either Jamie or Nathan, Lucas assumed. He knew he should be listening because she was talking for his benefit, but he couldn't help it. He couldn't believe Haley had brought Peyton, but whatever.

Haley sighed after she finished her story about Jamie swimming again. _No one is listening to me_, she thought, _so therefore, they can sit in their own uncomfortable silence._

Peyton tried to urge the Comet to get them home in the least amount of time possible, but no matter how much she sweet talked it in her mind, they hit every red light. After the third one, Lucas piped up and said, "Its yellow you know."

Peyton shook her head. "Yes, its yellow, but now, its red, and I for one don't need a ticket, okay?"

Haley shook her head, amused. Lucas was being an ass, and Peyton was being a bitch, but they were only being that way to each other.

Lucas blew out a sigh. "Fine."

Haley looked over at Peyton who was clenching her fists around the steering wheel, praying she could get through the rest of the drive without strangling Lucas.

-xoxo-

Twenty minutes later, Peyton rolled to a stop in front of Luke's house. "Here you go," she said shortly.

"Thanks," he snapped back.

Haley rolled her eyes. As soon as Lucas got out of the car and out of earshot, she 

said, "You guys…"

"What?" Peyton said defensively.

"I can't believe you!"

"I was trying to be civil! He was the one being… Lucas."

"Well, Peyton, you knew he was like that going in," Haley joked. Peyton shrugged, and then a few minutes later, pulled into Haley and Nathan's driveway. "Thanks, Peyt. Call me later if you need anything."

"I will, bye Hales."

Peyton pulled into Tric, and went into Red Bedroom Records. She went to unlock the door, not expecting anyone to be there, but when she tried, it was already unlocked. She walked in and there was Mia in the middle of the room. "Mia!"

"Hey Peyton!"

Peyton was shocked. "What are you doing here?"

Mia laughed. "I'm on break from the tour, so I came home to see you. How are you doing?"

Peyton shrugged. "Alright, but you know, better now that my favorite artist is here!" Both girls hugged and laughed, while Mia shared horror stories from the tour. A half hour later, Mia left to go get some sleep, because her jet lag was catching up with her. Peyton stayed at the studio, listening to some demo's she had gotten in the mail from bands who wanted to hit it big. Most of them were too normal, but there were a few Peyton liked. She was glad. She was glad because to her, listening to bands that sounded like they would make a difference made her think of all the music she listened to that helped her through hard times.

It was nine o' clock, and Peyton was on the second to last demo CD she had when someone knocked on the door. Peyton looked up to see Lucas slowly making his way into the room. "Hey," he said.

She nodded her hello, and he continued to make his way over to her. "Can I help you?" she asked him after a few minutes of Lucas standing there, not saying anything.

"Haley had me come over to make sure you were coming to her house for dinner, or something."

Peyton nodded. "Okay, is that all?"

Lucas shrugged, frustrated. He was hoping he and Peyton could talk, but she wasn't making it easy. "I guess," he said, and turned to leave, but then he stopped. _It's now or never, I guess,_ he thought. Then he turned around to face Peyton and said, "Okay, what's your problem?"

Peyton's head snapped up and she looked at Lucas. She shook her head in disbelief. "It's funny, because the last time you came here, you said something similar, Luke. Look how _that_ ended." Peyton was referring back to the night of their argument, when Lucas and her had kissed, and then he proposed to Lindsey.

"Peyton, I haven't said a thing to you to make you seem so pissed, and yet, here you are, pissed off."

"Yeah, Luke, that's the problem. You haven't said a thing to me, period!" Peyton yelled, standing up from her seat at her desk. "Do you want me to tell you why I'm so pissed? Okay, I'll tell you. You invited me to your wedding, which you should have known would hurt me. You kissed me, and then proposed to Lindsey. Oh yeah, you used my ring, Lucas, MY RING!" Peyton yelled, pointing an accusing finger at him, and then 

she continued. "I help you out, and then, you say you hate me. You leave Tree Hill with no goodbye; no contact, _nothing_, and then you come back and expect me to be happy to see you? Well, I have news for you Lucas, I wasn't happy to see you, okay? It hurt me to the umpteenth degree and made me want to hit you. Okay?" she yelled, with tears streaming down her face.

Lucas shook his head. "Okay, so you're going to play the innocent victim roll, are you? Well I have news for you too Peyton. I got left at the altar. Okay? I said 'I do', and she didn't. I still love her, Peyton! Stop making me out to be the bad guy here, because I already said I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry I said I hate you. I'm sorry, but I still love her, Peyton! She said no, not me!" Lucas yelled at Peyton, sick of being called the monster.

Peyton shook her head, still crying silently. "Please leave," she whispered.

Lucas looked at her. "What?"

"Leave Lucas, I don't want to say something I'll regret."

"You can't start a fight with me and then tell me to leave because-"

"Actually, I can. It's my record label, that I'm renting out, therefore, I can tell you to leave whenever I damn well please!" she said, her voice getting higher.

Lucas shook his head, and turned on his heel to leave. Peyton stopped him when he got to the doorway, and she said, "I'm sorry she said no, Luke. I'm not sorry that you didn't get married, but I'm sorry she hurt you."

Luke shook his head and glanced back at Peyton. "Me too, Peyt, although, I'm sorry for everything," and then he left, leaving a broken Peyton in the Red Bedroom Records studio to cry her heart out.

After ten minutes of crying, Peyton left RBR in a blur. She had to get out of there; she 

didn't want to be in the room where Lucas had completed her, and broken her. She wasn't thinking straight; she knew she should had called someone, like Haley or Brooke to drive her home, but she couldn't stand being in that office any longer, so she drove herself. She knew her driving wasn't quite up to par, but she only had a ten minute drive, or so, so she didn't care. She started crying, thinking about what Lucas said. _I still love her, Peyton!_ Peyton shook her head trying to get the thought out of her head. Her eyes were blurry from crying, and her throat was dry from yelling and crying. She was about five minutes from home when it happened; her body was tossed against her car door, and then, everything went black.


	4. Peyton's Journals

**So, here's chapter four! I know I said something about waiting for 6 reviews, but I got anxious. LOL. So, read and then review and tell me what you thought!**

**-xoxo, Sonya**

Haley stood impatiently in the kitchen, waiting for Peyton to come over. She sent Lucas to RBR because she figured it would get them talking. Lucas returned with no Peyton, mumbling something about her probably taking a breather before she came over, and then he went out by the pool with Jamie. It had been a half an hour, and now Haley was worried. Nathan walked into the kitchen with Jamie and Lucas in tow, and instantly noticed Haley's worry. "Hales, what's wrong?"

She turned around and said, "Peyton's still not here. She didn't call, and I'm starting to worry."

Lucas hadn't told the couple about Peyton and he's fight, so he figured he better. "Well, Peyton and I… discussed a few things."

Haley glared him down. "Lucas, you're my best friend and all, but what the hell did you do?" She questioned him.

Lucas shrugged. "Nothing we just fought a little. She's probably fuming over it now, and then she'll be over." Haley walked towards the door with her keys and purse in tow. "Where are you going?" both Scott brother's questioned Haley at the same time.

"I'm going to check on my obviously very broken friend," Haley answered, and then stormed out.

Haley had only been driving for five minutes when she saw it. "Oh God, that poor person," she said aloud, to no one in particular. A car was crumbled on the side of the road. Traffic was delayed, and Haley figured this was why Peyton was late. Then she saw it. A shiny silver word gleamed in the light of the tow trucks.

_Comet_, it read.

"Oh, my God!" Haley yelled, and then pulled over. She jumped out of her car and ran up to the wreckage. A police officer stopped her, and told her she couldn't go any farther. Tears were streaming down her face by now, as she tried to choke out, "Who was in that car?"

The officer softened. He figured this was a friend of the blonde girl who was in the accident. "A blonde girl, in her twenties maybe. Why?"

Haley just broke down, which gave him his answer. After a few minutes of crying, she asked him, "Is she…?"

"No, she's not dead. It's not looking good, so I suggest you get over to Tree Hill memorial A.S.A.P."

Haley didn't answer, she just turned around ran towards her car. She thought about calling everyone, but decided against it. She would when she found more out. Haley raced to the hospital and arrived in record time. She parked her car and ran into the hospital, asking everyone she could about a Peyton Sawyer. A nurse, in her thirties, walked over to Haley who was sobbing. "Can I help you?"

"Yes, I need to find Peyton Sawyer! She was in a car accident…" Haley trailed off.

"Ah yes… follow me," the nurse said, and took Haley to where Peyton was. "You can't go in yet, but wait here. Someone will be out to tell you how she's doing."

Haley nodded, and then walked over towards the window of the room where Peyton was being operated on. Haley started crying again, and decided to call everyone. She called Brooke first. "Brooke? You need to come to the hospital, now."

"Why, what's wrong?"

"Just… come. I'll explain everything, or what I know when you get here."

The girls hung up, and Haley called Nathan. "Nathan? There… there's been an 

accident. You and Lucas need to come down to the hospital, ASAP."

"Haley is it…" Nathan trailed off, not wanting Lucas to hear.

"Yes," Haley said, in a voice not quite above a whisper.

"Oh God, okay Haley, we'll be there soon. I'll call Skills too, so he can watch Jamie."

Haley nodded. "Okay. I love you Nathan."

"I love you too Hales," Nathan said, and then hung up. Then Nathan said to Lucas, "Come on, Luke. We need to go."

"Where?" he questioned his younger brother.

"The hospital, there's been an accident, but that's all I know. Come on."

Lucas looked at Nathan, worried, but also confused. "What about Jamie?"

"Skills is coming over. Hold on," and then Nathan called Skills, informing him of what happened and asking him to watch Jamie. He said he'd be there in a few.

Skills arrived a few minutes later, and said, "Go on, I got this covered," he said, ruffling Jamie's hair, trying to keep things light.

"I'll stay," Lucas said.

Nathan looked at his brother with a hard stare. "No, you won't. Come on, dude."

Lucas shook his head. "No, Nate, I'll stay, and you guys call me when you know something. If you aren't going to tell me who it is who got in an accident then-"

"Peyton," Nathan cut Lucas off.

Lucas looked up, shocked. "Wh- what?"

Nathan looked at the floor, shaking his head. "It's Peyton. I don't know how she is, and that's why you're coming."

"Go, Luke, I got this. Call me when you hear anything about Baby Girl."

The two Scott brothers' left, Nathan taking charge and Lucas in a daze.

They had to drive by the wreck to get to Tree Hill Memorial, and when the two guys saw Peyton's car in a big heap of metal, Lucas almost broke down himself. The car was completely gone, and Lucas was just hoping Peyton wasn't also. Nathan looked at his brother, and patted his shoulder, "She'll be okay, Lucas."

Lucas didn't answer, worried how true that statement was.

-xoxo-

Brooke arrived at the hospital, desperately searching for Haley. When she found her, she said, "What's wrong Haley? What happened?" Haley shrugged. "I don't know, Brooke. They haven't told me anything. But, it's… Peyton," Haley said quietly, and then both girls started crying.

Suddenly a doctor came out and said, "People for Peyton Sawyer?"

Haley and Brooke turned to face him and said, "Here!"

He sighed. _I hate this part._ "Ms. Sawyer is… in a coma. She had severe internal bleeding, which we managed to stop. She has several broken ribs, and a broken leg. We put a cast on her leg, and now we just have to wait. I'm very sorry girls, but it's in her hands now, if she decides to come out of the coma or not." He nodded his head and walked away, leaving the girls to continue crying.

Haley sniffed. "Brooke, someone needs to go get some stuff for Peyton."

Brooke nodded in agreement. "Can you go? I… I want to stay."

Haley nodded, and then left. Lucas and Nathan got to the hospital a few minutes later, and walked over to Brooke. "Brooke!" Nathan called out, while he and Lucas broke 

into a sprint to get to her.

"How is she?" Lucas asked.

Brooke shook her head. "Broken leg, broken ribs, and internal bleeding which they managed to stop, but… she's… she's in a coma," she answered, hugging Lucas and sobbing into his chest.

Lucas hugged her back, looking at Nathan and shrugging. "Where's Haley?" Nathan asked.

Once Brooke composed herself, she said, "She went to grab some of Peyton's stuff. She'll be back in a little bit.

_Meanwhile…_

Haley walked into Brooke and Peyton's house and went straight for Peyton's room. She grabbed a pair of shorts and a t-shirt, a change of underwear and bra, and looked around Peyton's room. She remembered her iPod, and opened Peyton's drawer, assuming it might be in there. Instead she found six leatherback journals, all decorated with different sayings and different pictures. Haley sat down on the edge of Peyton's bed and opened one up.

The first page read "Peyton's Journal". Haley flipped through a few pages and could tell this was the most recent diary. Almost every page had to do with Lucas, or Peyton's emotions towards Lucas. Some of her emotions described were hate, but most were love. Haley started crying just reading some of it. Everything was so emotional; Haley knew that was how Peyton drew things and wrote things. Every piece of her artwork was so emotional; it could make a grown man cry.

Haley thought to herself, _one thing's for sure. I need to show this to Lucas, ASAP._

-xoxo-

Lucas was sitting in a chair outside of Peyton's room. From where he sat, he could hear Brooke softly crying, threatening Peyton that she better wake from her coma. After a few minutes, Brooke came out, wiping tears from her face. "Hi Lucas, what are you still doing here?"

"Did you think I was leaving?"

She shrugged. "Where's Nathan?"

"He went to tell Skills what was wrong, and switch shifts with him watching Jamie so he could come see Peyton for a little bit."

Brooke nodded. "Okay, I need to run home; I think I left my hair straightener on," Brooke joked, and then sighed and said bye to Lucas.

Haley came in a few minutes later. "Lucas!" she called out to the blonde.

When she got closer he said, "What's wrong, Hales?"

She shook her head and said, "Nothing, where's Brooke?"

"She just left; you could probably catch her in the parking lot." When Haley turned and started running, Lucas jumped up and grabbed her arm. "Haley, tell me what's wrong."

Haley yanked her arm away and said, "Nothing, I just have something to show to Brooke." Then, she left.

-xoxo-

Haley ran out to the parking lot and saw Brooke. "Brooke!" she yelled, stopping the brunette.

"What's wrong Hales?"

"Nothing, but look at these," Haley answered, showing the diaries to Brooke.

Brooke opened up the one on top, and realized they were Peyton's diaries. "Haley, what are you doing with these?"

"I found them, and I read a few pages, and just… read a page," Haley demanded.

Brooke did so, and started crying. It was so… _Peyton._ It was very deep and emotional, and Brooke couldn't believe some of what Peyt had written. "Haley, we have to show these to-"

"Lucas, yeah I know," Haley finished for her.

"Go, show him. I have to check a few things at my house. I suggest he's alone when he reads these."

"Agreed. I'll call you, Brooke."

Brooke nodded, and left, and then Haley went to show the diaries to Lucas.


	5. The Worst Place To Be

**Here's chapter five! It's my birthday, so I'll be posting chapter six in a little bit, here. Oh, yeah, and Heather, you ROCK!! So, thanks to Heather, who wrote all the journal entries for me, and basically gave me the idea for this story. Thanks so much!! :)  
**

**Read and review!**

**-much love, Sonya**

-xoxo-

Haley walked over to Lucas and threw the six diaries at him, while pulling a chair up to sit down next to him. "What the hell, Hales?" he asked her, confused that she was throwing these books at him.

"Open them, or at least open one up," Haley instructed.

Lucas did as told, and read the front page. It read, "Peyton's Journal". "Haley, what is this?"

"What's it look like, Luke? They're Peyton's journals, and I'm giving them to you, because I think this is all such a train wreck and it needs to be fixed. I'm leaving while you read, because I read a page, and broke into tears. Call me when you're finished, or Brooke and I will just come by in a little bit. Call us if anything changes," Haley said, and then left Lucas to sit and read, and maybe figure out where exactly his heart really was.

-xoxo-

After Haley left, Lucas walked into Peyton's room. Visiting hours were still for a couple hours, so he sat down next to Peyton's bed. He started talking to her, slightly nervous. "Peyton… why does everything happen to you? I wish I could switch places with you right now. I just… I'm sorry Peyton." Lucas stopped for a minute as a tear rolled down his cheek. He wiped it away and continued. "Peyton, I have your journals here, and I'm having this huge internal debate as to whether I should read them or not. Haley says I should, but if it would hurt you for me to invade your privacy, give me a sign or something, anything to let me know if I should or not." Lucas leaned over and grabbed Peyton's hand. While he did so, he dropped one of the books, and it opened to a page. Lucas took that as his sign, and started reading the page that the journal was opened 

to.

-xoxo-

_Lucas Scott. A few days ago that was a name that never passed my lips. I knew of him, but I didn't know him. I didn't think about him and I certainly didn't care about him. But tonight he gave me a gift. Not something that I can hold or touch or smell, but a true gift. He gave me hope. He gave me inspiration and validation. When I draw I want to make people feel something. If what I am doing doesn't matter to anyone but me then I would rather not share it. But tonight Lucas told me that my art mattered. He said that something that I had drawn had given him the courage to walk into the gym tonight and play the game in front of Nathan and his father. It gave him strength. Ever since that night when I almost hit him with my car, I have been thinking about Lucas more and more. He is very sweet. He genuinely seems to care about me. It is amazing how someone that you have just met can have the power to change your world. When he looked me in the eye and told me that my art mattered, I felt like he could see right through to my soul. _

_P._

-xoxo-

Lucas shook his head. Thinking back to junior year, when things seemed easier. Peyton and Lucas were "just friends", and then in a time of stupidity, they were going behind Brooke's back. Lucas looked back at one of Peyton's sentences. _He genuinely seems to care about me._ It was true, Lucas did care about Peyton, but she knew that. And it was also true that Lucas could see right through Peyton. He knew it frustrated her sometimes because he used to endlessly question what was wrong if she had one of her fake smiles on.

Lucas knew Peyton better than anyone. He always had, and he always would. _Then why didn't I know she would say no to me so many years ago in LA?_ Lucas shook his head at the thought. He was being bitter. He flipped to another random page, and read.

-xoxo-

_This has been an absolutely horrible week. Jake had to leave town again because of Nikki. God I hate her. How could someone give birth to a child as sweet and as beautiful as Jenny? How could someone be loved by someone as caring and wonderful as Jake and still be such a bitch? And then, because it wasn't already a bad week, this reporter lady comes to the house and tells me she is my mother. I mean what the hell? I have tried getting in touch with my dad but he is on the boat and I can't reach him. Oh and Brooke's leaving town for the summer, so I won't have my best friend here to hang out with and lean on. I went down to the beach to think and ran in to Luke. I told him about Ellie and that I didn't want to be alone and he came back to the house with me. He said something tonight about it always being there between us, the connection, the attraction, the love. I don't know what he meant specifically, but for me I think it will always be there. We weren't together for very long and there were so many obstacles, but I fell hard and fast and despite his being with Brooke and my being with Jake, the connection has never disappeared. I still feel like I can trust him and open up to him in ways that I have never been able to with anyone else. He makes me feel safe and I know he doesn't judge me. I love him and I know that I will probably never tell him that, for the sake of my friendship with Brooke and because I know now that he still likes her, but god I just wish that things could have worked out between us. Maybe someday. _

_P._

-xoxo-

Lucas remembered that day Peyton described vividly. Sitting on the beach with Peyton and then telling her it would always be there between them. Back then, he thought he was just making an observation, but now he knows better. He impacted Peyton with those stupid words; it was obvious by what she wrote. If he had to be honest, he knew what she wrote was true for both of them. Lucas probably loved Peyton back then, but was too afraid to admit it. That seemed to be his problem, that he was too scared to admit his love. That was his biggest, and worst, problem of all.

The more Lucas read, the worse he felt, both for invading Peyton's privacy and for hurting her. She loved him way back then. The more he thought about it, the more it seemed obvious. He felt like hitting himself for telling her it would always be there. She loved him, for God's sake! Of course it was still there! He wouldn't have known this had he not read her journal entries, which brought him back to guilt. It was like one giant, torturous circle, making him miserable.

He was surprised, because thinking back to when he was with Brooke, and Peyton was with Jake, he thought they had found their own little happy medium; that when they were sneaking behind Brooke's back, they only thought they fell hard for each other, but in reality, it was just the rush of doing something wrong. But, _he_ was the wrong one. Peyton did love him, she always had. So why in God's name was he just finding this out now, instead of at all the right moments, like when he and Peyton kissed when he was with Lindsey, or when Lindsey had practically spelled it out for him that he loved Peyton?

Deep in his mind, he wasn't just figuring it out now. He was just being reminded of it, because for some reason he needed to be reminded of Peyton's love. It was almost 

exactly like his dedication. Peyton loved him _so much_ that he was lost in it; he was a lost soul, not believing in the immensity of her love. For some reason this made Lucas cry. His own words were being used against him, just as they had been when Lindsey brought up his second book during their wedding. And each time, they involved Peyton. Thinking about all of this confused him. He thought he loved Peyton, but then he found Lindsey and thought he loved her. He was a lost soul, and it was the worst thing to be.


	6. It's a Free Country

**... And Chapter six! Read and Review please!**

**-much love, Sonya**

Lucas had been sitting next to Peyton thinking over if he should read more or not when Haley came in. She knocked lightly and said, "Can I come in?"

Luke turned around and said, "It's a free country."

"Did you read them yet?"

Lucas nodded. "Yeah, I read two entries. So far, I genuinely seem to care about her, and she realized the connection between us will always be there; the connection, the love, the attraction," Lucas quoted.

"You memorized it?" Haley asked, amazed.

Luke shook his head. "No, I just remembered that part."

"Okay, well, can you stay here tonight? I have to be with Jamie, and Brooke had to leave for a meeting in New York. She was so mad, but she didn't have a choice."

Lucas nodded on instinct. Once Haley said her thank you's and told Lucas to call her if anything changed, she left. It was then that Lucas realized what he was doing. He was sitting in Peyton hospital room, alone, _reading her journals_. A nurse walked in and said, "Sir, visiting hours are over. Unless you're family...?" THe nurse trailed off.

Lucas nodded again. "Yes, I am."

The nurse knew he was lying but she had seen what happened to this poor girl. She let it slide, since it was a private room. The nurse left, and Lucas decided to keep reading. He opened up another journal from their senior year and read.

-xoxo-

_I am not even sure where to begin. This week has been a nightmare. I am still dealing with Ellie's death. The time capsules were released, which I suppose had some funny and embarrassing moments, but also revealed some devastating truths. I hosted the concert for the Friends with Benefits album. That was actually pretty fun. And then Jimmy Edwards, one of the other students at school brought a gun into school and he pulled the trigger. And you want to know what happened next? The bullet ricochet and hit me in the leg. I was so scared. Brooke was with me when it happened, but in all the commotion we got pulled away from each other. I was alone and scared. Scared for myself because I was bleeding and didn't know what was going on. At first I didn't even realize that I had been shot. I just thought it was piece of glass from the door that shattered in front of me. I hid in the library for a while, and then Luke showed up. My hero once again. He is always saving me. Just knowing that he was there with me, made me feel safer. After he confirmed that it was actually a bullet and not glass in my leg, I was so tired and weak and scared that I said and did something that I know now was a mistake. But I was so afraid that I might not make it out of that school alive and whether he knew the extent to which what I said was true, I knew that I needed to tell him for myself. I told him that I loved him and then I kissed him. I know that he thinks it was out of friendship and that there was nothing more to it, but that's not true. I love him. I have loved him since we locked eyes that first night when I almost ran him over. Luke was trying to carry me out of the school and we ran into Jimmy and he wasn't going to let us go, but Keith showed up and blocked us so that we could get through. Luke didn't want Keith to stay, but he did anyway. Keith never came out of the school. Jimmy shot him too and he died. Luke is devastated. I wish that there was something that I could do to help him, to help ease his pain. But that's not my job. It's Brooke's. I wish that it was mine. But we all know how this story turns out. I won't be the home wrecker again. Maybe some day if Luke and Brooke don't work out, maybe then I will tell him the truth about how I feel, but not now. Not when he has so much else to deal with, and not while he is with Brooke. I love him, I miss him, and I need him. And Brooke, I love her too, she is my best friend. I could never hurt her like that again. I won't be that person, never again._

_P. _

-xoxo-

Lucas silently started crying. He remembered that day way too vividly. He remembered how scared he was when Brooke came out and was hysterical because she lost Peyton in the commotion of the first shot. He remembered the fear running through his veins as he went through the school looking for Peyton. He remembered how happy he was to find her for the most part, okay. He remembered the fear that was evident in her eyes. He remembered his fear that they wouldn't make it out alive. He remembered it all, and remembering that day hurt like hell.

The one thing he remembered most was Peyton kissing him. He felt so happy, and safe, and complete when she kissed him. He remembered how much love was in her eyes, shining through the fear. He remembered thinking, _I put that there, and that love in her eyes is from me. I love this girl._ Yet, he couldn't do anything, because he thought he loved Brooke. It was like Lindsey all over again.

Lucas got tired of beating himself up over something that happened so long ago, so he opened the journal to another page, and started reading again.

-xoxo-

_Luke was right. I don't know why that surprises me. He usually is. He told me that he thought something was up with "Derek" but I didn't believe him. I told him that I had finally learned how to open up and trust and that I didn't want him to ruin it. But then I realized that Derek isn't who I think he is. It turns out that "Derek" isn't Derek. And the real Derek, well he isn't at all _

_what I would have expected. I am trying not to think too hard about the real Derek right now. I am just trying to deal with everything that has happened. The attack and then Lucas and Derek saving me. Psycho Derek disappearing off the front lawn. All I keep thinking is what if Luke hadn't cared enough, what if he hadn't gone to the police and found out that the guy really wasn't Derek? What if he hadn't gotten to the house in time that night? What would have happened? _

_Once again Luke saved me. One of these days, I am going to have to try and repay the debt that I owe him. I have lost count on how many times he has literally or figuratively saved my life. He gave me the key to his house, so that I could come stay there if I got scared or just needed a friend, but I tried not to use it. But I eventually gave in. I know that Luke is a person, but he is the only person that I feel safe with. I don't feel safe at home. I don't feel safe anywhere unless Luke is with me. I love Luke. I may not have told anyone but Brooke and Jake, but I do, I love him. And when you love someone as much as I love Luke, being with them brings a security that you can't find anywhere else. Luke and Brooke broke up. I promised her that I wouldn't say anything to him as long as they were together but with everything else going on, I just haven't found the time, or the courage for that matter to tell him. Maybe after I have dealt with all of this other stuff, I will find a way to tell him. _

_P. _

Lucas sighed. He didn't know why, but every important even he was reading about, he remembered vividly, like it happened yesterday. He remembered Brooke breaking up with him. He remembered sitting in Peyton's room before the power went off, and he and Peyton holding hands and him being a jackass and saying, "I'm going to win her back". That was probably his worst mistake of the night. Peyton was probably going to tell him the three little words that would have made him the happiest man in the world; at least, now they would have.

_Wait a minute, I don't love Peyton. There's too much going on to be in love with Peyton right now. She's my friend; I care for her, that's it. Right? _Lucas shook his head. He couldn't think about this right now. He got up to grab some coffee and clear his head.

-xoxo-


	7. Red Light, Green Light

**Here's the much awaited update! Sorry it took so long to update, I've been busy. But, it's here now, so I hope you like it! Oh, and EXTREME special thanks to Heather. And also, to broodyleytons, who left me a bajillion reviews, which made me do a little happy dance. And also to Lostand1TreeHillfan, who wished me a happy birthday, which also made me happy. **

**And also, to just everyone who reviews! You guys rock!**

**Read and review!**

**-much love, Sonya**

-xoxo-

Lucas walked back into Peyton's room after a few minutes of walking around aimlessly. He sat down next to her, and grabbed her hand again. He stroked his thumb over her hand, over and over again. He had thought more and more about Peyton's crash while he walked, and then it hit him. It was his fault Peyton was in the hospital. It was his fault that he and Peyton had fought; it was his fault she was so upset, and it should have crossed his mind that she was too big of a wreck to be driving. He shook his head and got up again. He needed to find a doctor and find out what happened when Peyton crashed.

He walked up to the doctor who had told Haley and about Peyton's condition at one point, and stopped him. "Dr. Fredrick!" he called out.

"Yes?"

"I'm Lucas, I'm here for Peyton. I just wondered… do you know how she got in her crash? Like, the causes of it?"

Dr. Fredrick sighed. "Yes. She ran a red light, and the driver who hit her was drunk."

"She… she ran a red light?"

The doctor nodded, and then a voice came over the intercom. "_Dr. Fredrick, to the ER please, Dr. Fredrick, to the ER."_

"I'm sorry, I have to go. I'll be in to check on Peyton in a little while," Dr. Fredrick said, then left.

Lucas returned to Peyton's room, and sat down. He thought back to their junior year, when he and Peyton had met. He had walked out of the Cafe after reading Peyton's comic strip. He had finished talking to Haley about Nathan and then saw Peyton roaring by in the Comet. She was running every red light. The next day, he walked out of the cafe and saw her waiting for the lights to turn red. He had run up to her car to try and stop her and maybe figure out why she was doing it, but instead, he rode with her while she ran every red light in town. He remembered her exact explanation for why she was doing it. She was driving to school to pick me up. She was late, so she ran a red light. It was one light at the wrong split second and it ended for her. My mom ran one red light; I run them all the time and nothing happens. It's not fair." He couldn't believe that this time, the one time she had run a red light and something happened, it was his fault.

Lucas shook his head, picked up the senior year journal, and picked another random page to read.

-xoxo-

_Luke was right. I don't know why that surprises me. He usually is. He told me that he thought something was up with "Derek" but I didn't believe him. I told him that I had finally learned how to open up and trust and that I didn't want him to ruin it. But then I realized that Derek isn't who I think he is. It turns out that "Derek" isn't Derek. And the real Derek, well he isn't at all what I would have expected. I am trying not to think to hard about the real Derek right now. I am just _

_trying to deal with everything that has happened. The attack and then Lucas and Derek saving me. Psycho Derek disappearing off the front lawn. All I keep thinking is what if Luke hadn't cared enough, what if he hadn't gone to the police and found out that the guy really wasn't Derek? What if he hadn't gotten to the house in time that night? What would have happened? _

_Once again Luke saved me. One of these days, I am going to have to try and repay the debt that I owe him. I have lost count on how many times he has literally or figuratively saved my life. He gave me the key to his house, so that I could come stay there if I got scared or just needed a friend, but I tried not to use it. But I eventually gave in. I know that Luke is a person, but with him is the only place that I feel safe.__I don't feel safe at home. I don't feel safe anywhere unless Luke is with me. I love Luke. I may not have told anyone but Brooke and Jake, but I do, I love him. And when you love someone as much as I love Luke, being with them brings a security that you can't find anywhere else. Luke and Brooke broke up. I promised her that I wouldn't say anything to him as long as they were together but with everything else going on, I just haven't found the time, or the courage for that matter to tell him. Maybe after I have dealt with all of this other stuff, I will find a way to tell him. _

_P. _

When he finished reading the entry, Lucas became angry at the way Peyton acted before the attack; stubborn. She was being stubborn for not finding more out about this psycho. Had she not been the stubborn Peyton he knew, maybe she wouldn't have gotten hurt, and potentially put her life in grave danger. She was being stubborn and stupid and… it scared him so much, _because_ she had put her life in danger. His heart ached at the fear Peyton felt after her attack. He felt extremely grateful for Peyton's real brother Derek after that attack, especially after the second attack. If Derek hadn't taught her how to not run, she might not have survived Derek the second time around, and Lucas didn't know what he would have done without her. He couldn't think about that, even though that was potentially the situation at hand.

Lucas decided to read one more entry from their senior year because that had been the time when Peyton and he had been together and happy, even though they had gone through so much.

He opened up to a page and began reading.

-xoxo-

_I am so happy, so at peace. Luke and I went to the prom in Honey Grove. I wore a blue dress that I got from the thrift shop and he wore a tux. He is so handsome and not to mention sexy. We danced and we laughed with Brooke, Skills, Haley, Nathan, Mouth, and even Chris Keller. But then we went back to Luke's hotel room and we made love for the first time. It was wonderful. It was magical and beautiful and so full of love. I love the way he makes me feel. So safe and warm and loved. He is a wonderful lover. Before Luke I had only ever been with Nathan and Jake. With Nathan and me it was almost always about the sex, it was never really about making love. It was always fast and hard and not at all full of love. With Jake it was good. I loved Jake, I did. But with Luke, it's everything. It's love and desire. It's fast and slow. It's slow movements and fast movements. It's fireworks and dizziness. It's everything. Because I love him with everything that I am. I want to be with him forever. When I think about him, I can see us married with kids. I can see a house with a dog or maybe a cat. I can see him sitting at his computer typing out a bestseller and me at my own record label making peoples dreams come true. I know that we can have it. The American Dream. I want that so much with Luke. I want to be with him and love him for the rest of my life. _

_P._

-xoxo-

Lucas smiled at the memory of the Honey Grove prom he and the gang crashed. Since Peyton hadn't had a real prom, he decided to make this one perfect. He just wanted to be with her, though, no matter what. The more he read the entry though, the more it angered him slightly. 

Peyton said she could see her and Lucas married with kids and a dog. So Lucas didn't understand why then, when they were so young, she wanted to be with him forever, but then one year later, she didn't. He shook his head. _It doesn't matter anymore, we obviously weren't meant to be._

Haley walked in then, and took a seat next to Lucas. He looked at her, his eyes welling with tears. "What are you doing here?"

She shrugged. "I couldn't sleep at home, and Nathan said he could take care of Jamie, so I just… came."

Lucas nodded, then after a few comfortable moments of silence, he said, "I don't get it Hales."

"What, Lucas?"

"I just read this entry, and it was from after the Honey Grove prom." Lucas showed Haley the entry so she could read it herself. After a few minutes, he said, "I don't get it. She says then, when we were so young, that she could see herself with me forever, with kids and a dog. But then, a year later when we were a year older, she couldn't. Why, Hales? I don't get it."

Haley shrugged. "I'd try to explain it to you, Lucas, but you'd just twist my words."

Lucas looked at her like she was crazy. "What?"

"You'd twist my words, just as you twisted hers three years ago when you proposed."

"Haley-"

She shook her head and cut him off. "No, Lucas. I'm done with this. What did she say when you asked her to marry you, for real what did she say?"

Lucas sighed. "She said she wanted to be with me forever, but not now; someday, but not now."

Haley married. "So she didn't say no?" Lucas didn't say anything. "That's what I thought. You need to figure out where you stand now, Lucas. This isn't high school," and then Haley walked out, leaving Lucas to straighten out where his head and heart were.


	8. I've Been Such an Ass

**So, I know I just updated, but I got anxious, and decided what the heck? So, here's chapter eight!**

**Thanks again, to Heather, who supplied me with the basic idea of this story and the journal entries. Thanks so much!**

**-Read and review!**

**-much love, Sonya**

_Being here in LA is the best and worst thing. I love working at the label. I love that I am working towards my dream. But god I miss Luke so much. I miss being able to hug him and kiss him. I miss being able to fall asleep in his arms and wake up the same way. I miss the way his breath feels on my face when he whispers in my ear. I miss the way it feels when we make love. I wish that we could talk more often. I wish that we could see each other more often. But we both have dreams that we want to accomplish. I want to succeed in the music business and he wants to succeed at writing and at coaching. In time those dreams will come true for both of us. I know it. And then, we can have it all. We can have the American Dream. _

_P._

Lucas read another entry, and when he finished he got angry again; angry because Peyton made him think she loved him enough to want to be with him. Every word she had written up to this point made him believe she loved him, truly loved him. So why the hell did she not marry him? He was sick of everyone telling him Peyton didn't say no. In his mind, she didn't say yes either, and therefore, she didn't want to marry him. Her words that were written on these pages made him think she loved him and wanted everything with him. Her words she spoke made him think otherwise, and it wasn't fair.

While Lucas was thinking about the stupid failed attempt at a proposal, he decided to try and find out what Peyton thought, _really thought_ of the whole proposal. So he found the journal entry after the proposal, and when he did, he continued reading.

-xoxo-

_Luke proposed to me last night. That should be a sentence filled with excitement and hope. But instead it's filled with disappointment and fear. When Luke showed up at my _

_office today I was beyond thrilled. I was so surprised, but so happy. Being in his arms is the happiest place I have ever been. The proposal would have been wonderful, if he could have listened to what I was saying. I was saying yes, I was just saying that I wanted to wait a year for the actual wedding. Don't most people do that anyway? Isn't there some planning involved? I mean I know that Nathan and Haley went about it a little differently, but we aren't all like that. I just wanted him to wait for me, for our dreams to come true. The way he always said that he would wait for me. But he didn't wait. When we laid down together last night I thought that after we got some sleep we would both wake up with clearer heads and be able to discuss the issues rationally, but instead I woke up to an empty room and the CD that I had made him on the pillow beside me. I don't know who I blame more for what has happened, me or Luke. I blame myself for not saying yes, but at least I was being honest. I blame Luke because he showed up here with no warning and then proposed out of no where. And then he wouldn't listen to what I was trying to say and just wanted to end us right then and there. When he was with Brooke and he wanted her he fought for her. But he has never really fought to be with me. When I walked away from him that night at Dan's party, he didn't fight for me. When I ended things between us after Brooke found out about us, he didn't fight for me. And he didn't fight for me last night or this morning either. I thought that he loved me, but now it makes me wonder how important I could have been to him if he would just get up and leave me like this. He knows how I feel about people leaving me. I never thought he would be someone else who would leave. Will he call me? Should I call him? I don't know what to do. I cried all day at work today. I yelled at my boss. I am lucky I didn't get fired. The sad thing is. I am not sure I would have cared if they had fired me. I am not sure I care about _

_anything anymore._

_P. _

Lucas sighed. He thought back to an entry where Peyton said, "Luke was right. I'm not surprised, though. He always is." She was wrong. He wasn't always right, obviously. He still felt like Peyton didn't want to marry him in some ways, but now, at least, he had her side of the story sitting in front of him and he knew. That wasn't the case. She cared, God did she ever care. She cared more than anyone Lucas has or ever had known.

He felt like such an ass. Peyton wanted to marry him, just not right then, at that exact moment. But in his mind back then, it was an all or nothing deal. There were no in betweens; she either said yes, or no. And she chose no. He knew deep down that now, she didn't say no. He was being too broody to listen, though. He was being too _himself. _He was being_ stubborn. _He hated the way he acted four years or so ago towards Peyton in that hotel room. But he couldn't take it back now, unfortunately, and he was worried that he might never get the chance to make it up to her.

Brooke walked in a few minutes later to see how Lucas was holding up. "Hey broody."

He nodded his hello and said, "I'm such an ass."

Brooke shrugged, and then nodded. "Yeah, but what's making you just realize this?"

He narrowed his eyes at Brooke's hidden dig, and then said, "Reading these journals and getting in Peyton's head. I'm such an ass, Brooke."

Brooke sat down next to the broody boy and rubbed his back. "Lucas, you _have_ been an ass to her. I'm really sorry to be so blunt, but it's true."

Lucas shrugged. "It's okay. It just sucks, Brooke. What do I do if she doesn't come out of this thing?"

Brooke quickly shook her head. "No, Lucas. Don't think like that. We need to have high hopes here, okay?"

He shrugged again. Then after a few minutes, he said, "Easy for you to say, Brooke. You don't have anything to apologize for."

Brooke hugged her friend, and then after a few minutes of meaningless talking, she told Lucas he should go home and get a shower, maybe something to eat, and then he could come back.

He agreed, and then left, leaving Brooke to cry, while silently wondering if Peyton would ever come out of her coma.

-xoxo-


	9. Conflicted Emotions

**So, here's chapter nine! I won't be posting chapter ten for a few days, because so far, that's all I have written and I dont want to post it and then get stuck and leave it on a big hiatus. So, it'll be a few days until I post chapter ten. But, for now, here's chapter nine! Read and review!**

**-much love, Sonya**

-xoxo-

Lucas went home and got a shower. He couldn't eat, because he had too much on his mind. He tried to get some sleep, but he kept thinking about Peyton's journals and Peyton and everything that had happened between them. Finally, he couldn't stand it anymore, so he got up, grabbed the most recent journal, and started reading a page.

-xoxo-

_So I am back in Tree Hill. God it has been such a long time. I came back here to try to find some peace and direction. To try to reclaim that hope that I once had. I went down to the River Court. That place meant so much to me the last couple of years that I was here. I felt him before I heard him. Lucas Scott, the love of my life. As I turned around to look at him it all came rushing back. All the love that I had ever felt for him. Over the years after the proposal and then seeing him with that woman at the book signing I had tried to push it away. It's amazing really, three years have passed since the proposal and I still love him just as much today as I did that day. He still makes my heart skip a beat. He takes my breath away. Not just because he is handsome, but because of his heart. He has such an amazing heart. Who he is as a whole just does something to me. I said hello and told him I missed him. I went to hug him and he said he was with someone. I knew that it was a possibility. But there is a difference between knowing something could happen and finding out that it actually happened. Brooke is back too. I went to pick her up at the airport tonight. Maybe just maybe, even without Luke, this place, my home, may heal me, after all, I do have my best friend back._

_P. _

He remembered this. He remembered going to the Rivercourt and seeing Peyton there. He remembered all the hurt that had come rushing back to him just seeing her. He remembered the anger and pain he felt when she wanted to hug him, but he pushed away. He had Lindsey. He shouldn't of cared one way or another if Peyton hugged him, because he loved Lindsey. The 

thing was that he would have cared. He would have loved to hug Peyton and touch her and kiss her again after three long years, but he had Lindsey. In reality, he should have let Peyton hug him, because it shouldn't have mattered. The problem was, it did. That was his first mistake when Peyton came back; having all these feelings after just seeing her.

Lucas flipped to another page, and read.

-xoxo-

_I can not believe that that man thinks that I didn't believe in him, that I didn't care just because it wasn't about me. Since the moment that I fell in love with him, I have cared about him and believed in him. Just the nerve of him. Everything that I know about belief and faith I learned from him. He showed me how to believe in myself, to have faith in myself. He made me believe in him and have faith in him. If I lost faith at all it was because he broke his promise, the promise to always love me and to wait for me forever. I believed in him. I believed in his book. I thought he knew that. I told him when he proposed that I knew that our dreams were going to come true. How the hell can he say that it didn't matter? How can he believe after everything that we have been through that I am that selfish that I didn't care? Of course I cared. Since the moment that we got together it was never about me or him, it was always about us. Whatever happened to him happened to me and whatever happened to me happened to him. It mattered to me. Of course it mattered to me. I love him. I probably always will, but I would not have been upset if one of those damn books had hit him, preferably in the head. _

_P. _

Lucas got so angry, that he got up and threw the journal across the room. It hit the wall with a loud smack that made him jump. He was so on edge at the moment. Then he thought the nerve of him? The nerve of her! She can say she believed in him now, but then, she didn't. It was obvious. Or was it? He could say in his mind it was obvious, but was it really, or was he making it 

up?

If Lucas was being truthful, it wasn't obvious, at all. She had been everything but not supportive of Lucas and his dreams. So why was he being so difficult?

_Because it's easier to think I hate her than to tell myself the truth. _That was his second mistake; making himself believe he hated, or at least didn't care for Peyton, because it was easier to hate than to love.

It also made him angry to get mad about him using her ring. It wasn't her ring. It was Lindsey's. _If Peyton could have just _let go_, maybe Lindsey would be here with me right now._ Lucas shook the thought away, because right now, he needed to find out where his heart stood with Peyton, and blaming his wedding failure on her wouldn't help.

Lucas only wanted to read a few more pages of Peyton's journal, so he thought hard about which ones he wanted to read. He decided to read what Peyton had to say about his wedding to Lindsey, so he opened up and started reading.

-xoxo-

_I don't know if I can do this. I don't know if I can handle going into that church tomorrow and watch Luke pledge to love, honor, and cherish another woman. I still love him with all of my heart. I was devastated when he proposed to Lindsay after we kissed in my office. But I told Luke that I would sacrifice my happiness so that I can be his friend. And friends go to their friends weddings and they support them and celebrate with them. I want to do this for Luke, but God, it is just breaking my heart. I just don't want to break down in front of everyone tomorrow. I want to be strong. But Luke has always been my source of strength and somehow I just don't think I am going to feel much support from him tomorrow._

_P._

Lucas felt like an idiot. His emotions were all over the place. One second he was mad, 

then he was happy and reminiscent, and then he would feel confused as to whether he loved Peyton or not. Right now, he felt bad; bad for inviting Peyton to a wedding that would obviously hurt her and bad because he didn't notice this before. He felt like everything he had done since Peyton came back to Tree Hill had hurt her. The "I have someone", the argument in her office, the post-proposal-to-Lindsey kiss, the proposal to Lindsey. He hadn't done anything to intentionally hurt her, but it had obviously hurt her a lot.

He wanted to go see Peyton, but he was afraid of the newfound information about his feelings.

Lucas Scott still loved Peyton Sawyer. It had been obvious to everyone but him, and no matter what everyone said, he pushed it aside and continued to say he loved Lindsey.

Everything was so fucked up, he didn't know what to do, and so he sat down, dumbfounded, on his couch, and started crying.

-xoxo-


	10. He Needs Her

**So, here's chapter ten! Hope you guys like it! I only have up to chapter eleven written, so ideas as to where you'd like it to go form here would be GREAAT! So, read and review, and maybe drop me a suggestion or two! Heh, I ryhmed. ;D**

**-muchhho love!, Sonya**

-xoxo-

Brooke was sitting next to Peyton, listening to the stupid steady beep that told her Peyton was breathing and alive, just not _there._ She felt awful when she saw Lucas, so broken and confused. The boy was in love with Peyton; everyone knew it, everyone but him. It was only 2:30 AM and Brooke thought every minute just dragged on. She'd keep looking at the clock, praying for an hour to have passed. But, it had only been a couple minutes. She lay her head on Peyton's bed and grabbed her hand. "Peyton, sweetie, you need to come out of this. I need you. Luke _needs_ you."

Lucas walked in right when she said he needed her. He stepped into the doorway and listened to what Brooke had to say. "He thinks he loves Lindsey. And, I don't know, Peyt, maybe he does. But I don't believe he does. It's always been you and him, true love always. I just, he's my friend, and I hate to see him so… _broken._ He looks so broody, all the time, and so lost, all the time, and it hurts me to see the two of you so… lost. I just… Peyton, even if he doesn't need you, which he does, _I_ need you, more than anything. You're my best friend. I need you here for the good and the bad. I would just hate to see him walk around, so lost for the rest of his life. And, I just…" Brooke trailed off and started crying. She hated to talk like this, but she knew it was in everyone's mind. What if Peyton didn't make it through this? What would they do?

Lucas decided to make his entrance now. "Hey Brooke, you okay?"

She looked up and quickly wiped her tears. "Yeah, I'm fine broody."

"You don't look fine, pretty girl. What's wrong?"

"Peyton!" she practically yelled. "Peyton's what's wrong, Luke!"

He nodded. "I know, Brooke." Lucas paused, having an internal debate as to whether or not tell Brooke the next part. He decided on telling her, maybe fixing her by saying this. He said, "Hey, you're right."

"About what?" she sniffed.

"I need Peyton."

_Earlier…_

Lucas opened up the journal towards the end and found a page about after his wedding. He read it.

-xoxo-

_I can't believe it. I can't believe that Lindsay walked out on Luke. He looked absolutely devastated. Brooke said that I should go and talk to him. But he said I do. If Lindsay hadn't walked out, they would be married right now. And then Jamie went missing. That crazy nanny, Carrie, took him, and of all people, Dan Scott found him and brought him home. This day has been crazy. I wish that I felt some kind of relief that Luke and Lindsay didn't get married, but the truth is it doesn't matter. Because he would have married her and because he is hurting and I can't stand to watch the people that I love hurt. Especially Luke. And I don't know how to help him and I get the feeling that it is my fault that she left him. I just feel so guilty. I want to help him but I don't know how. _

_P._

-xoxo-

Lucas felt bad again. Instead of assessing how he felt, he just continued reading.

-xoxo-

_Three little words. How can three little words destroy your whole world? I have been hurt so many times in my life. I have been shot. I have been stalked. I have been attacked. I have suffered through the death of two mothers. And that is just the big stuff. But nothing, absolutely nothing that has ever happened to me has ever broken my heart, my soul, as badly as those three little words. I never thought, even after all that we have been through together, never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined those three words coming out of Luke's mouth, directed at me. _

_Today started out pretty good, aside from Angie having to have surgery. But Haley and I _

_were working on the album, and Mia surprised us by showing up. All in all it had been a pretty good day. I can't stop thinking about what Mia said about getting Luke drunk because men always tell the truth when they are drunk. When I came out of my office and saw Luke passed out at the bar, my heart just ached for him. He had been going through so much over the past few months. Lindsay leaving him just broke his heart and I just wish that there was something that I could do to help him. I don't know what else to do though. I thought that going to see her and pleading his case would help. I never expected that she would give me his new novel to read. Haley told me that Luke was still in love with me and then Lindsay turned around and basically told me the same thing. I have to admit that after reading the book and listening to what they had said that I had started to think that there might be some hope left after all. That maybe if I just kept living my life, working on the label with Haley and Mia, spending time with Brooke and Angie, and just waited, that maybe things would be okay in the end. So when I saw him sitting there in the bar, passed out, I did what any friend would do, I took him home and put him to bed. I mean I thought we were friends. That's what he said he wanted, and that's what I wanted too. I mean above all else, we had always been friends. I mean that was the point of me telling him that I would let go. So that he could be happy and I could be his friend. When he called out to me as I was leaving I turned with a small smile on my face expecting that maybe he was going to thank me for helping him and instead he said the three words that I have crushed my heart, soul, and spirit, in ways that no one else ever could. He told me that he hated me. That he wished that I had never come back because I had ruined his life. _

_Mia said men always tell the truth when they are drunk. Does that mean that Luke really _

_hates me? I can deal with a lot of things but Luke hating me isn't one of them. Whether we were together as a couple or not, I will always believe that Luke is my soul mate. He is the other part of my heart and soul. I can't imagine that I will ever love anyone or be as connected to anyone as I am to him. Luke's the one I want next to me when my dreams come true and he's the one I want standing next to me if they don't. I just wish he realized that was how I felt. I just wish he didn't hate me._

_P._

_I don't hate her though!_ He thought to himself. He could never hate Peyton Sawyer, and that was exactly what he told her. Of course, Peyton thought alcohol was a truth serum, and what you say when you're drunk is what you were trying to say when you were sober. But with Lucas that wasn't the case. If he said something while he was drunk, it was probably incoherent and didn't make any sense, or it was a lie. Of course, telling this to Peyton now would make it seem like he was making excuses or something. And of course, whenever he started fights with her, it never helped matters. He couldn't help it though. It was like an instinct whenever Peyton was mad at him lately. He was being extremely childish, and he knew it.

Lucas sighed and pushed his hands through his very, very short hair. He was getting confused and frustrated with his own thoughts, so he got up and headed to the hospital, hoping to sort things out, maybe with Haley or Brooke.

_Present, Lucas in Peyton's hospital room with Brooke..._

Brooke's head snapped up. "Excuse me?" she asked him.

"I need her Brooke; I need her in my life. She's my soul mate. She's my everything, and she's the one I want to be with in ten years and beyond. She's the one I want; she always has been and always will be."

"Okay, Lucas I get that, but honestly, now? You're figuring this out _now? _I know you to be slightly... sudden with your choices of girls, and I swear to God Lucas Eugene Scott, this better not be another one of those times._"_

He shrugged. "Yes and no. Yes because I guess the idea of potentially losing her scares me to death, and no because I've always known it, I was just too afraid to admit it. And I know, Brooke, I've screwed up in the past. Believe me, I know, but this isn't another one of those times. This is serious."

Brooke thought to herself, _It better be, _then smiled and hugged her friend. "I'm glad Lucas. Now I just hope she comes out of this stupid coma."

Lucas just nodded. "Me too, Brooke. More than you know."


	11. One Month

**So, here's chapter eleven! Sorry it took so long! I have chapter twelve written, but then that's it. I have an idea of where I'm going with the story, but I have another Greek story that NEEDS to be finished. So, I'm probably going to put up a HIATUS after chapter twelve is up. Hopefully it's not a long one! But, read and review and tell me how you like this chapter! Suggestions are always welcome!**

**-much love, Sonya**

-xoxo-

One month, it had been one month since Peyton's accident, and one month since Peyton had fell into a coma. Every day, Brooke sat in Peyton's room for an hour or so before she had to head out to Clothes over Bros, and every day, Haley came and saw Peyton for an hour or so once Brooke had to leave. Every day, Lucas came to see Peyton, and every day, Lucas cried when he saw her. Today was no different. He was afraid, and every day, _every single day, _Lucas lost a little more hope that Peyton would ever wake up.

Lucas walked into Peyton's room to see Haley opening up the blinds. "Hey Hales," he said to his best friend.

Haley turned around and said, "Hey."

"So, how is she?"

Haley shrugged and said "Same. Lucas, I'm starting to-"

Lucas cut her off. "No, Haley, don't say it, okay? I think about that enough every single day."

Haley gave her friend a sad smile, and then hugged him. "Sorry, Luke, I just… worry, you know?"

"I do. Hey, Hales, don't you have somewhere to be?" Lucas joked with Haley because he knew she had to get back to Jamie to bring him to school.

She smirked. "Yeah, I get the hint. I'll see you," she hugged him and left, leaving Lucas to deal with his emotions, just like every other day.

-xoxo-

Luke sat down and grabbed Peyton's hand. "Hey, Peyton. I wish you could give me a sign or something so I know you're listening, but I guess that's asking for a lot. So, this is okay too. So, what's new? Well, Mouth and Millicent left the other day to head out to Omaha, Nebraska, but they felt terrible. They wanted to stay but something about their apartment they're renting and them having to be there, so they had to leave. Oh, and Brooke's adopting a baby. She's waiting until you…" Lucas trailed off, a single tear slipping down his cheek. He quickly 

wiped it away and continued. "Until you wake up." Lucas shook his head and walked over to the window overlooking Tree Hill. He whispered, "Wake up Peyton, please. I need you. If you don't come out of this, I don't know what I'll do." He walked back over to Peyton's bedside and sat down. He grabbed a hold of her hand and stroked her palm with his thumb. "I have too many things to apologize for, too many things to say to you, so I _need_ you to come out of this, okay?"

And then, Lucas felt the tiniest bit of pressure being applied to his hand that if he hadn't been paying attention, he wouldn't have noticed it. He looked down to see Peyton's thumb lightly pushing into the top of his hand. Suddenly, all of the hope he had lost had been replaced within a few minutes.

-xoxo-

Peyton couldn't see anything, not really anyway. All she could see was a bright, fluorescent light above her head. Around her, she faintly smelled the smell of medicine and… _sickness._ Her eyes fluttered open ever so slightly, but she felt like she couldn't move a muscle. She also felt like her throat was going to crumble into a million pieces, it was so dry. _Great, I can't move, I can't talk, and I have _no idea_ where I am!_ She thought to herself angrily.

Peyton looked out of the corner of her eye and saw a very blurry figure. She couldn't quite make out who it was, because all she saw was a blurry blob. Then, she felt someone was holding her hand, and she assumed it was whoever was sitting next to her. She tried as hard as she could to grab the hand back, but all she managed to do was push her thumb down ever so slightly. Then she heard the person gasp, and say, "Peyton?" full of joy and a hint of fear.

Then it hit her. _Lucas,_ she thought and smiled to herself. She felt paralyzed, which scared her. She croaked out, "Water?" because she couldn't form anything other than one word sentences.

Lucas nodded and said, "Yeah, of course," completely ecstatic to have Peyton awake. He poured her a glass of water, gently bring it to her lips, while pressing the call button. When the nurse's desk responded, he informed them that Peyton was awake. They stated that they would let 

her nurse know. A few minutes later, Peyton's nurse, Erin, came into the room. She introduced herself to Peyton and greeted Luke before checking Peyton's vitals. She then stated that she would let her doctor know that she was awake. "I'll go get the doctor."

After Erin left the room, Lucas continued to assist Peyton in taking small sips of water. He set the water glass down and smiled at Peyton. "You've been out for quite awhile there, Blondie."

Peyton tried to sit up, but Lucas wasn't having any of it. "No, lay back. You need to rest."

She mentally shook her head, and then before she could react, Lucas was hugging her. "I was really scared, Peyton. Everyone was," he corrected, knowing full well that all of his friends were afraid Peyton wouldn't wake up.

"What-" she started, but then coughed lightly, and Lucas brought the water to her lips again, and she drank.

The doctor came in, and said, "Glad to see you woke up, Peyton. How are you feeling?"

She wanted to answer, really, she did, but she couldn't. Words wouldn't come out of her mouth, except for a few coughs. The doctor nodded. "This is normal, in case you were wondering. Most patients can't speak much for a day or two. It's only because you haven't talked in over a month, so your vocal cords are dry, so to speak."

Peyton nodded, because that was all she could do. "You probably don't remember your accident, do you?"

Peyton shrugged. She remembered her fight with Lucas like it was yesterday, but she didn't remember much after that. Suddenly something the doctor had said hit her like a ton of bricks. She tried to motion for some paper, and the nurse caught on. She handed Peyton a sheet of paper and a pen, and Peyton wrote, "One month?"

"You've been in a coma for a little over one month, Peyton. You got in a car accident after running a red light, and you were thrown against your car window. You were unconscious, 

and you had some broken ribs, which are almost healed, but you also broke your leg, which you will need physical therapy for."

Peyton sat up very slowly, with Lucas' help, and looked herself over. She noticed the cast and she noticed a pain where she assumed her ribs were. "My stomach hurts," she choked out.

The doctor nodded. "Yes, that's from your ribs. They are almost healed, but are most likely still bruised slightly. You will probably be sore for a little while."

Peyton rubbed her head, because she suddenly had a splitting headache. "Okay, Ms. Sawyer, I have to go see another patient, but I'll be back to check on you in a little bit."

Peyton nodded, and her doctor left. She looked around the room to see a bunch of Get Well Soon balloons and a dozen bouquets of different flowers, all for her. She noticed music was playing next to her and she looked over to see her iPod playing music softly through its speakers. The song playing caught her attention.

Different art was hung around the room, all looking like it had been drawn by a five year old. "Jamie drew all that for you," Lucas filled in for her.

She looked at him, shocked and surprise written all over her face. "Where is everyone else? Why is it just you here?"

Lucas looked at her, stunned and hurt slightly. He had to admit, her comment hurt. He shook his head and got off her bed, walking over to the window again. "Brooke comes by everyday for an hour or so before she absolutely has to go to work, especially with Millicent gone, because Millicent and Mouth left the other day. Then, Haley comes over for an hour or so before she has to go be with Jamie to either bring him to school, or if it's Nathan's day to bring him to school she usually goes to the grocery store or does some errands. Then, I come by until five or six, because that's when Brooke comes by and spends the night with you. Random people come by during the day, but those are the ones who have been here every day."

Peyton looked at her hands. Her comment had been bitchy, but come on, she just woke 

from her coma for God's sake! "Sorry," she said simply.

Lucas shook his head. "The way I see it, for every thing you have to be sorry for, I have a hundred."

"So, where did Millicent and Mouth go to again?"

"Omaha. Mouth quit his job here and got one out there. They wanted to stay and be here when you woke up, but something about them having to be moved into their apartment in a couple days, so they had to get out there."

Peyton nodded. "Can you call Brooke and Haley and whoever else and let them know?"

Lucas nodded, and then left, but before leaving he paused at the door and said, "Peyton?"

"Yeah?"

"I… I've never been happier to see you sitting in a hospital talking."

Peyton smiled gently, knowing Lucas' comment was supposed to make her happy, even if it was a little off. "Thanks, Lucas." Then Lucas left to make the phone calls.


	12. Author's note!

**Okay so guess what guys! I finished my only other story that I have published that needed to be completed, so now I have my full attention on this story! Updates should come more often, but for the first couple days things will be slow because I need to start writing for this story again!**

**Just stick with me, read the story, and review with your thoughts so far and maybe give me some suggestions for the chapters to come!**

**Thanks so much to everyone who's reading this story and reviewing, it means a lot to me! And remember, reviews get me typing a little faster! ;D**

**-much love, Sonya**


	13. Every Second of Every Day

**So, here's chapter twelve! I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to update, but it's here now, right? :) Well, read and review! And, since I have chapter thirteen written, I'm going to have you guys give me ten reviews before I post it. So, review! :)**

**Enjoy!**

**-much love, Sonya**

-xoxo-

"Peyton!" Brooke yelled, rushing into the hospital room, so thankful to see her friend _there._

Peyton chuckled and held out her arms to hug Brooke. "Hey, buddy."

Brooke hugged her best friend and started crying. She whispered in her ear, "We were so afraid."

Lucas smiled from the doorway, glad to see Brooke happy, glad to see Peyton awake, just plain glad.

Peyton stopped her friend and said, "I know, but I'm fine."

Brooke nodded. "I know, but, it was scary." Then the brunette leaned back in to her best friend and whispered, "He needs you, Peyt. You should have seen him for the past month. You guys need to talk some things out."

Brooke stepped back and grabbed her friend's hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "I'm going to grab some coffee." Then, she mouthed, "TALK," to Peyton, and left.

Peyton chuckled. Her friends had good intentions, obviously, but none of them knew the stuff Lucas said to her before her crash, which, in hind sight, wasn't fair, because now she was afraid he would feel obligated to say something nice or apologize, and he just _wasn't. _She didn't want that, and in fact, that was the last thing she wanted. If Lucas Scott was going to be honest with her, she wanted brutal honesty. She did not want him to say, "I love you," just for the sake of saying it. _Because it would hurt too much,_ she thought to herself. Although, she had a strong feeling that was exactly what he would say.

Lucas walked farther into the room and took a seat next to Peyton. "How you feelin'?"

"I'm fine," Peyton said, staring out the window next to her. She turned towards Lucas and said, "Luke, we need to talk."

He nodded. "I know we do."

"That's good, because I don't really know what about. You're right. You said 'I do', so I'm sorry," Peyton said, referring to their argument at RBR before her accident. "I understand you still love Lindsey, and I'm sorry for ruining that for you. I shouldn't have come back, you're right." Peyton shook her head, her heart breaking slightly at the words that were coming out of her mouth. "I think once my leg heals, I'm going to get out of here. And it would help a tremendous amount if you'd leave me alone," Peyton finished, tearing her gaze away from Lucas, afraid to see what his reaction would be, and afraid he might see her tears and realize she was lying.

Lucas shook his head. "No, Peyton," was all he said.

"'No' what?"

"No, I was wrong, and no, I won't leave you alone. I thought I loved Lindsey, just like I thought I loved Brooke at one point too. The truth is, I hide behind other people when the immensity of your love gets to be too much. It scares me Peyton."

Peyton shook her head, stopping Lucas. "Yeah? Well guess what, Luke. How does proposing rate on your immensity scale, because that scared me, and from the sounds of it, it should have scared you too. But it didn't. You left me. I know how it feels to get left; My mom left, my dad constantly left, Jake left, Ellie left, and then you, the one person I thought I could count on, left. So, sorry if I don't exactly believe you right now. Look, Luke, I think you should go. I'm tired and I don't want to deal with this right now, okay?"

Lucas shook his head and got up to leave. Then he turned towards Peyton and said with a small, hopeful smile, "It's Lucas and Peyton, true love always, right?" Then, he left, leaving Peyton to cry her eyes out.

Brooke walked in twenty minutes later. She heard sobbing coming from the broody blonde's room, and was afraid something happened. She was right. "Sweetie?" Brooke said, slowly walking into her friend's hospital room. Peyton brought her head up away from her hands, tears streaming down her face. "Peyton, what happened?"

"I told him to leave me alone. I told him he was right and that I understood; I know he still loves Lindsey, no matter what he says, because he's just saying he loves me because he feels guilty, which isn't fair to me!" Peyton finished, frustrated.

She hated this. She hated the way she was acting. She wanted to be stronger, to not cry, but damn it, she couldn't help it! "Luke feels like he needs to say to me that he loves me because of the accident and because he feels guilty somehow. Well, that's the last thing I want. If he loves me, it's going to come from his heart. No more of this crap, Brooke. He's said 'I love you' to one too many girls, and I won't fall for it, not again, not this time."

Brooke nodded. She knew what her friend meant. After all, Lucas had said he loved her at one time, too. He said he loved her, Peyton, _and_ Lindsey. So, Brooke knew what she was going through, at least somewhat. Although, no one could ever understand how storng the love between Lucas and Peyton was until they were either between in or apart of it. "I know, Peyton. Give it some time. If it's meant to be, and I think it is, then it'll all work out, right?"

Peyton nodded. "I guess so."

The blonde yawned, and Brooke said, "Get some rest. I'll be back a little later, okay?'

Peyton smiled and nodded. "Okay. Bye Brooke. Oh, and Brooke?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

"For what?" The brunette asked, confused.

"For everything, for being here for me, for being my best friend, and just… thanks."

Brooke smiled. "Wouldn't have it any other way," and then she left.

"Haley just called, and she's on her way," Lucas said, slowly walking into Peyton's room.

Peyton jumped a little at the sound of his voice. "How long have you been out there?"

Lucas shrugged. "Long enough to realize some things."

Peyton winced. Even though she wanted Lucas to realize what she was feeling, she didn't want him to find out like that.

"I'm sorry Peyton."

"For what, Luke?"

Lucas threw his hands up, gesturing to the ugly, morbid hospital room Peyton was sitting in. "For this! I'm sorry you're in this hospital, I'm sorry I've hurt you, I'm sorry for everything, too, Peyton," Lucas finished, referencing back to their fight in RBR before Peyton's crash, his eyes starting to get a little watery.

Peyton shook her head. "I know you are, Lucas, and that's not the problem…" Peyton trailed off.

"Then what is?"

"The problem is the fact that you just might fall in love too quickly and the fact that just maybe I can't trust you right now. You said 'I do', Luke. If it wasn't for a stupid book, you wouldn't be here right now, because-" Peyton stopped herself. She was going to say, _because I wouldn't be in this hospital right now._ But that wasn't fair to Lucas. Unfortunately for her, Lucas knew what she was going to say next.

"You don't think I know that?" Lucas said to her, his voice as cold as ice, and his eyes had changed from being warm blue pools to freezing ice blocks. He kept his voice low and steady though. "You don't think I know that this is, essentially, my fault? That if I hadn't come to see you, you wouldn't have gotten so upset, and then maybe, just maybe, you wouldn't have run a red light?" Lucas shook his head. "Because I do, I know that, Peyton. I thought about it every single second of every single day that you were in a coma."

"Lucas, that's not what-"

"Yeah, it is, Peyton, that's exactly what you were going to say."

She sat there, staring at her hands, not sure what to do next. "What now?" she asked.

Lucas shrugged, unsure himself. "I'll leave you alone, just like you wanted." Then, Lucas Scott turned on his heel, walking out of Peyton's hospital room, and maybe, just maybe, out of her life.

Peyton cried for the next twenty minutes, scared and afraid she wouldn't find someone who would save her like Lucas Scott always did.

-xoxo-

**So, what do you think? Did you like it? Hate it? Suggestions? Anything?! Just review people, and you'll get chapter thriteen! :) --love,Sonya**


	14. You're Coming Home With Me

A/N: **Okay, so I know I said ten reviews, but I got impatient. Although, quick mini rant. I got five reviews. They're are 15 alerters for this story, and so far, for the last chapter, 171 hits. 171 HITS, guys! Come on! And 15 alerters, so I know you guys are getting alerted for the things I post. I'm not asking for much, except to hit that little freaking button in the bottom left hand corner!! So please, just review, whether its to critisize or to give me advice or just say you like my story, I'd really appreciate it!**

**Ok, I'm done ranting. But one more thing. A lot of people, well not a lot but some, have been asking or saying, "I hope Peyton and Lucas will get together!" Don't worry. I'm not gonna give anythign away except this: Lucas and Peyton _still_ means True Low Always, at lease in my book it does. So, yes, they'll get together. In the end, you guys will be happy, I promise.**

**One more thing! Thanks for reading everything above,. Now, on with the story! :)**

**-xoxo, Sonya**

-xoxo-

Peyton was lying in her hospital bed staring out at the window when Brooke came running in. "Peyton! I am the worst person on the entire planet!"

Peyton chuckled and said, "Why?"

"So, you know how you're getting out tomorrow?"

Peyton nodded.

"I won't be here."

Peyton's mouth dropped open as she stared at her best friend. "What do you mean?"

"I have to, _I have to_ go to New York for a week, seven days at the very earliest. I have tried and haggled and done everything in my power to not go, but it seems that I don't have a choice. I'm so sorry, sweetie!"

Peyton thought for a minute. Had her and Lucas been anywhere near normal, none of this would be a problem, because he could just bring her to her and Brooke's house and everything would be fine. But they weren't normal. They weren't even close to it. Haley and Nathan were just getting back to normal, and they had their hands full with Jamie, even though Deb was staying with them, so asking them to "take care" of her, too? That'd just be too much. Peyton shook her head. "It's fine, I'll just… I don't know, Brooke, but it's not your fault, so don't worry, okay?"

Brooke nodded. "I know, but still, I feel awful!"

Peyton shrugged. "We'll think of something, right?"

Brooke nodded, and then got a gleam in her eye. "I might have already thought of something." She smirked, and said, "Don't worry P. Sawyer, I'll be by later tonight to say bye and I have a solution." Brooke hugged her blonde friend and then turned on her heel to leave. "I'll have everything arranged, so don't worry. Love you, P. Sawyer."

Peyton smiled. "Love you too, B. Davis," she said, and then Brooke left.

It was nine o'clock before Brooke came by to say her goodbyes to her best friend, but Peyton didn't mind. She was bored in the hospital, and often stayed up late just thinking about everything. So seeing her friend come this late didn't bother her a bit, it made her happy.

Brooke hugged Peyton tightly and said, "I'll be back soon, and then, it'll be you and me, ok?"

Peyton laughed. "Easy on the lesbian innuendos," she said, cracking a smirk.

Brooke laughed sarcastically. "Funny," she said, "really, really funny. I'm glad this hospital hasn't gotten you all depressed and what not. Have you talked to Lucas?"

Peyton shook her head.

"I'm sorry, buddy. But, I got to go, so I'll call you when I get to New York, okay?" Peyton nodded and said goodbye to her friend, then fell asleep dreaming of Lucas, just as she did every night.

-xoxo-

Peyton woke to the sound of blinds being pulled open and the sun blaring through her hospital window. It was Haley, along with Nathan and Jamie. "Hi Peyt," Haley said when she noticed Peyton was awake. "How you feelin'?"

Peyton shrugged, and then smiled at Jamie. "Better, not that one of the most handsome and awesome five year olds is here. Give me a hug!"

Jamie ran to his "auntie Peyton" and gave her a big hug. "Hi, auntie P."

Peyton laughed. "Your son has been hanging around Brooke too much."

Haley chuckled. "Yeah, I know. But, unfortunately, we can't stop it." She smiled and said, "His father has to take him to school today, though."

Nathan walked over and hugged Peyton. "Feeling any better?"

She shrugged. "My leg hurts a little, but hey, I've been shot and attacked before, I can survive this, right?"

Nathan and Haley both smiled a sad, small smile and Nathan said. "Yeah, guess so. Well, say bye Jamie, we have to get you to school."

Jamie said his goodbyes, and Nathan left, leaving the two girls to talk.

"So, talk to Lucas yet?" Haley asked.

Peyton shook her head. "No. He hasn't been by and I haven't talked to him, and I'm pretty sure he won't and I won't be."

"I'm sorry, Peyton, but hang in there. Keep your faith, okay?"

Peyton half shrugged and half nodded. "I just… I didn't want to push him away, Haley, but, I mean did I really want to just _let_ him in again?"

"I know, Peyton, but unfortunately, I don't have an answer. In time, it will all work out, and what was meant to be will find its way, I promise."

Peyton smiled, glad to have someone to talk to. Then she thought of something and said, "Have _you_ talked to him, Haley?"

Haley looked away and right away Peyton knew her answer. "You little sneak! What has he said to you?"

Haley sighed and looked at her watch. It was quarter after noon. _Peyton's getting out in less than an hour, so she can find out for herself then,_ Haley thought. "We haven't talked much, at least not about anything important." Haley was lying through her teeth, but she wanted Peyton to talk to Lucas face to face.

"You're lying to me Haley."

Haley shook her head. "Nope, and now I'm going to run and grab a cup of coffee, want any?"

Peyton said, "No," and then Haley left before she said too much.

-xoxo-

It was one o'clock, on the dot when Lucas arrived. He was pacing in the hallway outside of Peyton's room, not sure if he wanted to go in. He could hear Haley talking to Peyton, so he decided having Haley as a buffer would be better than Peyton attacking him solo. He walked in, and at first, no one noticed. But as soon as Peyton mouth dropped open slightly, Haley turned around.

"Hi, Peyt."

Haley gave Lucas a death glare and tried to make subtle gestures telling him to get the hell out, but nothing worked. So, Haley got up and dragged Lucas out of the room.

"What are you doing?" she whispered fiercely at him.

"I'm here to bring Peyton to my house, what does it look like?"

Haley shook her head. "You weren't supposed to come in until I came and got you. I haven't even told Peyton about you bringing her to your house for her to live with you for a week! She's going to kill us both now!"

Lucas shrugged, and then turned around, headed towards Peyton's room. He walked in and said, "You're going home with me. Sorry to ambush you, but, well… there it is."

Peyton's mouth dropped open, and when Haley walked in, she glared at her. She growled, "Haley, what is he talking about?"

"Well, Brooke thought that the only option was Lucas, so she arranged for you to live with him until she got home."

Peyton glared at Lucas. She was dressed and sitting on the edge of her hospital bed. Her things were all gathered up and she was ready to leave. She grabbed her crutches sitting next to her and she got up. She hobbled out of the room without a word, and then stopped in the doorway. "Grab my things, because I guess I'm staying with you," she said to Lucas, and then she walked out.

-xoxo-

**As always, review! :)**

-xoxo, Sonya


	15. Do Not Laugh at Me!

**Ok, so sorry for such the long wait. And Heather, I didn't send this to you because of said long wait. I'll be sending the rest of the chapters though. Anyways, I hope you guys like it. Read and review! Remember the mroe reviews, the faster I get a chapter up!**

**-**much love, Sonya

-xoxo-

Peyton hobbled through the doors of Lucas' house, the doors of which she stood in when Lindsey told her Lucas proposed to her, _after_ he kissed Peyton. She paused in the doorway to catch her breath, because thinking about that night made her want to cry all over again. She shook her head and continued "gimping", as Haley had fondly put it, through his house to the couch. The blonde collapsed, careful not to disturb her leg, and sighed in frustration.

Lucas walked in right at that moment and said, "Something wrong?"

The _other_ broody blonde looked at him; no, she glared. Peyton _glared_ at Lucas, like her cast was his fault. _Wait… it sort of is,_ he thought to himself, and then pushed the thought away. She spoke up and said, "No, I'm peachy. I just have this stupid cast on my leg, and now I have to live with you, the boy who repeatedly broke my heart, for a whole week. Everything's super!" Peyton got up in a huff and tried to stomp out of the room, but it wasn't working too well.

Lucas chuckled at the sight of her, and she whipped around as fast as someone with a cast and crutches can whip around, pointing an accusing finger at him. "Do _not_ laugh at me, Lucas Eugene Scott, do _not_ do it!" she yelled at him. "If I have to put up with you for a week, then you will _not_ laugh at me, got it?"

Lucas mock-saluted her and said, "Sir, yes sir!" Then he returned to normal, and smirked. "You feel better now that you yelled at me?"

She looked at him in disbelief, and then turned away, saying under her breath, "Un-freaking'-believable." She gimped away into the direction of the kitchen, sitting at the counter, hoping Lucas wouldn't come and try to be "buddy-buddy" with her.

Unfortunate enough for her, he did follow her into the kitchen. "Look, I know you don't want to be here, you've made that painfully obvious, but can't we co-exist for one week and be like we used to?"

Peyton shook her head. "No, we can't be like we used to, Luke. We can _never_ be like we used to, you've made _that_ painfully obvious!" Peyton's voice was getting louder, and her blood pressure was rising. Lucas Scott had that effect on her. "You're the one who loves Lindsey, Luke. So, sorry if my answer of 'no we can't be like we used to' doesn't suit you. But, we can co-exist; because that's the only way we'll make it out of this week alive." With that, Peyton got up and said, "Where am I staying?"

Lucas pointed in the direction of his own room, slightly in shock from Peyton's outburst.

Peyton shook her head. "Forget it," was all she said.

"What do you mean, 'forget it'?"

"I'm not staying in your room!"

Lucas sighed, getting frustrated now, too. "That's the only downstairs room that is close to the bathroom, kitchen, and a door to outside. I'll stay in my mom's room, its fine."

Peyton agreed, but only because she secretly wanted to go into his room. Then she hobbled her way to Luke's room, shutting the door. Soon enough, he heard music blaring through his iPod speakers, music coming form her iPod.

"_You're better off without him,_

_Don't call him; he's breaking your heart!_

_He's hanging with your best friend,_

_And you're waiting there,_

_It's tearing you apart!"_

Lucas shook his head. It was "Your Boyfriend Sucks" by the Ataris. _She still cares,_ he thought. _I just have to prove to her I still care, too._

* * *

Peyton collapsed on Lucas' bed and buried her head in his pillow. Being around him had confused her feelings, but right now, all she wanted to do was smell him again. She inhaled deeply and caught a whiff of that ever familiar smell that was Lucas Scott. But then, she smelled something else too. It was… _lavender?_ Peyton picked up her head and stared in disbelief at the pillow. Either Lucas was secretly gay, or… _Its Lindsey's perfume_, Peyton thought sadly. She got up from the bed and looked around. She hadn't thought about this room, and how connected it was to Lindsey, until now. Looking around, she saw the license plates that Lucas had arranged into the United States, and she saw his laptop, sitting open on his desk. She saw his manuscript, with the red cover, the one she herself had read, thanks to Lindsey. And then, on his dresser, she saw the ring; Lindsey's ring, _her_ ring. Hell, for all Peyton knew, Lucas proposed to Brooke with the ring, also! She shook her head, and then hobbled over to the ring. She picked it up, and opened the ring box.

The ring was gorgeous, it really was. It was white gold, and the diamond was beautiful. Tears gathered in Peyton's eye's, and then the door opened.

"Peyton, are you…" Lucas trailed off, seeing Peyton holding the ring box that had once belonged to her. He was going to ask her if she was hungry, but now, he just felt conflicted seeing her holding the ring box.

She jumped when she heard him, and set the box down, wiping her eyes, trying to make it look like everything was fine, when in reality, it was everything _but_ fine.

She smiled at him, which was her first mistake. "Yeah, Luke?" Her second was calling him Luke, like she used to.

His smile faltered, as he walked over to the ring box, swiftly picking it up and walking out of the room.

He couldn't believe he had been so stupid, _three times_, with that ring. That was the third time a girl had found the ring, two of which had been Peyton. The first time Peyton found the ring, he was actually going to propose, so it didn't matter, really, but now, the second time, he wasn't! He didn't want to scare her off and make her think he was going to propose while she was staying.

He collapsed onto the couch, pushing his hands through his short hair. He leaned back and just sat there, staring into space. Then, he heard the sound of crutches and of a girl cursing because she hadn't quite gotten used to the crutches all over again.

_Click, click, click_ from the crutches.

"Damn it, damn it, damn it!" from the girl.

Peyton sat down next to Lucas and didn't say anything. They just sat there and stared into space. Peyton looked at Lucas, and then looked away, and Lucas looked at Peyton. He shook his head and went to get up when Peyton stopped him. She grabbed his arm and pulled him back down. He looked at her questioningly. "Don't leave. Sit here for a few more minutes so we can pretend we're back in senior year when we were together and happy," she said, not looking at him.

Lucas leaned back and Peyton laid her head on Luke's shoulder. A single tear slipped down her cheek, soaking through the sleeve of his t-shirt. He glanced out of the corner of his eye at her and saw she was crying. He knew if he stayed here any longer he wouldn't be able to hold his end of the bargain and co-exist because he would probably kiss her.

Peyton knew if she kept her head on his shoulder any longer she might loose all of her self-restraint and want to start kissing Lucas again, and then she'd have to move out, and then she wouldn't have anyone to live with for a week, and then she might ruin any small chance she had for a friendship with Lucas.

She felt him move slightly, so she picked up her head. He got up to go into the kitchen and she sat there, trying to regulate her breathing. "Are you hungry?" he asked from the kitchen.

She shook her head. "Not really."

The air was tense between them, and it was as if they hardly knew each other, which in a way, was correct. They didn't know each other, not like they used to, and that broke both of their hearts.

Peyton got up and went into her/Lucas' room, and got out her sketch book. She turned on her iPod and started listening to some music. She put it on shuffle, and an Honorary Title song, Stay Away, came on. It made Peyton want to cry, because she remembered hearing this song playing when Lucas kissed her/she kissed Lucas at Tric. They were performing this song when the two kissed, and Peyton forgot about it until she heard it playing through her speakers. She started drawing while tears slipped down her cheek and onto her paper.

Lucas rubbed his temples in confusion. He didn't want things to be like this. It was only the first day, and already he and Peyton weren't talking. He grabbed a water bottle out of the fridge, and then heard someone knock. _No one knocks in this town…_ he thought to himself, confused at who it could be. He opened the door, and it was Haley. "Hales, why did you knock?" he asked his best friend.

"Because I was afraid you and Peyton made up already and were… 'Making up'," she said, putting air quotes around the words. Lucas shook his head.

"No, Hales, we haven't made up, and I doubt we will. She's in her, my room, if you want to talk to her."

Haley nodded. "Lucas you have to talk to her!" Haley said right when the lyrics of the song Peyton was listening to was, "_Stay away from, stay away from me."_

Lucas gestured toward Peyton's room. "Yeah, because it's so obvious she wants me to talk to her right now, Hales! Forget it. We're just going to co-exist for a week until Brooke comes home."

Haley looked away uncomfortably and said quietly, "Well, you'll have to co-exist for a lot longer than one week."

"Why?"

"Because Brooke made up having to go away so you and Peyton could work out your 'differences'. She's not coming back until you guys figure out what you want. And from the looks of it, that's going to take a lot longer than one week."

-xoxo-

**Uh oh. Lucas and Peyton, make up in a week? I'm not seeing that happen, but with all this sexual tension, er, _tension_, haha, it might!**

_Next chapter will be up in a few days!_

-xoxo, Sonya


	16. Grudges, Artwork, and Secret Glances

**Oh my god, I am sooooo sorry it's taken me so long to update! I was gone for a week for band camp, and I'm just so sorry guys! But, it's up now, so review it and tell me what you think!!**

--**much love, Sonya**

-xoxo-

It had been three and a half hours since Peyton and Lucas had talked or seen each other. Peyton had stayed in Lucas' room all day, and Lucas stayed out of her hair. But, it was 5:30 and Peyton was getting hungry. No, she was starving. She had been hungry two hours ago, but now she was ready to eat her own arm. She knew she was being stubborn and slightly childish, but she didn't care. She got up and stood at the closed door, just staring at it. She wanted to open it, she really did, but she couldn't do it. She had her hand on the doorknob trying to get up the courage to open the damn door.

On the other side, Lucas stood, staring at the same door, wanting to open it and just ask Peyton if she was hungry. He wanted to be the bigger person, at least that's what his head was telling him. His heart had other plans, and wanted him to act like a childish, stubborn, two year old.

Suddenly, the door swung open, and Peyton jumped a little to see Lucas standing in front of her. They both smiled embarrassingly, and then Lucas spoke up. "Oh, hey, want to go-"

Peyton cut him off with an "I'm starving, let's go."

Both smiled and then they left.

"So, where to Blondie?"

Peyton glared at him for using an old nickname, and he quickly recovered with "Where do you want to go to eat?"

Peyton shrugged. "I don't care, wherever is fine."

Lucas nodded. "How about Nathan and Haley's house? She usually invites me over for dinner on Sunday's, so, what do you say?"

"Sure, that sounds good. Are you sure she won't mind?"

Lucas gave Peyton a look that said, _No, she's my best friend and one of your best friends, why would she mind?_ And Peyton smiled. "Okay, let's go."

Five minutes later, Lucas pulled into Haley and Nathan's driveway. The two blonde's got out, and when Lucas tried to help Peyton, she shooed him off. "I can do this by myself, you know," she said with her old junior year attitude.

Lucas rolled his eyes and chuckled. "Sorry."

They walked in to "Naley's" house, as Brooke called it, and didn't bother to knock. Jamie greeted them. "Uncle Luke! Auntie P.!" Peyton laughed at the little blonde's eagerness, and gave him a small hug.

"Hey J. Luke, where are your parents?"

He pointed in a random direction and Lucas laughed. He turned to Peyton and said, "I'll let them know we're here."

Peyton nodded, and then took Jamie into the living room. "Do you have any markers, Jamie?"

He nodded and ran to grab them. When he came back he said, "Can I draw on your cast?"

Peyton laughed. "I have a better idea." She grabbed a few markers and made a small outline of a little boy, with his back to you. He had on a jersey, and the back of the jersey said "J. Luke". He was holding a basketball, getting ready to shoot it. She put the outline of a heart around him, and then colored a few things in. She turned her leg toward the five year old and said, "What do you think?"

Jamie smiled. "I like it, but you didn't give me a Mohawk!"

Peyton smiled and changed a few things to make it look like Jamie had a "faux-hawk." She showed it to him and said, "Better, rockstar?"

He nodded and smiled. "Yeah, thanks auntie P.!" He gave her a hug and then said, "Let's go show momma!"

Peyton got up and hobbled into the kitchen, where Haley was cooking. Nathan and Lucas were outside shooting hoops and discussing something, from the looks of it. "Hey, Haley."

Haley turned to her friend and said, "Hi, Peyt. Feeling any better?"

Peyton sat down at the island and shrugged. "I guess. It's not that bad, you know? I'm just living with a boy I've been in love with for way too long and everywhere I look, I see a reminder of his ex-fiancée, but other than that? Everything is freaking super!" she said sarcastically.

Haley grimaced at Peyton's tone. "I'm sorry, Peyton! Have you talked to Brooke? It's her fault you're staying there in the first place!"

Peyton shook her head. "Not yet, but she's going to call tonight or something."

Haley nodded. After a few minutes Peyton said, "Why is it her fault?" Peyton asked suspiciously.

Haley just shook her head, not wanting to give away too much.

Peyton chose to ignore it because she figured she'd talk to Brooke later. Instead, she said, "So, what are you cooking?"

"Spaghetti, want to taste the sauce for me?" Haley said, glad for the change in subject.

Peyton nodded and got up, and that's when Haley got a glimpse of a blonde throwing a basketball. All she saw was the blonde hair, the basketball, and the heart, plus the name Luke on the back, and she looked at Peyton. "Peyton, what's that?"

Peyton looked at her cast and smiled. "It's Jamie. He wanted to draw on my cast, but instead, I drew him. Like it?" she asked.

Haley sighed a sigh of relief and chuckled. "I love it."

Peyton looked at Haley and said, "Haley, you looked weird for a few minutes there. What's up?"

"I thought…" she trailed off and looked embarrassed. "I thought it was Lucas," she chuckled, and Peyton looked mortified.

She looked down at her cast and said, "It doesn't look like him, does it?"

Haley kneeled down and inspected the cast further. "Well, no, not…" she studied the drawing and decided she couldn't lie. "Yes, a lot."

"What? That's impossible! It's a five year old for God's sake!"

Haley looked at it some more and said, "I know, Peyton, but you cut off half his body, so in all fairness, it could be a five year old, or it could be a twenty-five year old."

Peyton looked at her own leg and said, "But…"

"I know, Peyton, you meant for it to be Jamie, so no worries, right?"

Peyton nodded. She sat down at the island again, and brought her leg up so she could inspect her cast more. Then Lucas walked in.

The first thing he noticed was the basketball on her cast. The second thing was the Raven's jersey that said "Luke" and the third was the big heart around the person throwing the basketball. His eyes got big and he walked over to Peyton. "Nice leg," he said, gesturing to her cast.

Peyton laid her head down onto the countertop and groaned. Haley glared at Lucas and mouthed, _you big jerk!_

He shrugged and mouthed back, _what?_

Haley just rolled her eyes and pointed outside and mouthed back, _go back outside!_

Lucas obliged and Haley walked over to hug her friend. "It's okay Peyton. Everyone already knows you love Lucas, so having it on your cast, kind of, doesn't make any difference, right?"

Peyton shot up and looked at Haley with cold eyes. "Loved, Haley, I _loved_ Lucas, a hell of a lot actually." Peyton's eyes got colder as she said, "But you didn't hear the things he said to me before my crash, ok? I realized some things, and some of those things are that I need to move on from Lucas Scott, because it does me no good to love him when he has made it so painfully obvious that he doesn't love me, ok?"

Haley nodded.

"Now, no more talk about me or Lucas, or me loving Lucas or anything, okay?"

Haley nodded again, and went back to finishing dinner.

Twenty minutes later, Nathan was sitting at one end of the table, with Haley at the other end. Jamie sat on one side with Lucas next to him and Peyton sat across from the two blonde boys. Peyton and Lucas were exchanging weird looks while Haley tried to carry on a conversation to make things normal. "So, Jamie, how has school been?"

Jamie started chattering about some kid in his class that he was becoming friends with, while Peyton would occasionally eat something and then glare at Lucas. Lucas would, meanwhile, eat and then just stare at her with his signature "broody" expression. Nathan had been watching the exchanged and looked at his wife, mouthing, _what are we going to do?_

Haley shrugged. She usually had all the answers, at least about most things, but when it came down to the Lucas-Peyton love _thing_ they had going on, no one, not even a best friend or a brother could figure it out.

-xoxo-

**Okay. So, I'm really sorry, but as of right now, this is the last chapter I wrote in advance. And also, I lost some of my inspiration for this story. Therefore, that means my next update won't be for a while. I start school Sept. 2, so I'm going to try my best to finish this before then. But, as of right now, The nest update won't be for awhile. I'm really sorry! If you guys leave me reviews giving me suggestions and whatnot, I'll probably have the next chapter up quicker. Just saying... D Review please!**

-**xoxo, Sonya**


	17. Miserable at Best

**Okay, so this is kind of short, and kind of a filler chapter, but some of the stuff is kind of important. Haha, I know confusing. But anyways... I'm sorry this is taking me so long to update! I haven't forgotten about it, I'm just having trouble. I started writing stories on Quizilla (ask me for my name on there if you want to read my stuff there or if you want to know what its about) and I just got really into it for a while and didn't want to write stuff for this story. But, I got some amazing feedback on chapter fifteen, so I figured you guys deserve a chapter. I plan on having this story done by Sept. 2, becasue I go back to school then. ;D Anyways, read, review, and remember: reviews get me motivated so I at least try and update. I'll try and update mroe often, and hopefully this story is almost finished!!**

**:D**

**Oh yeah, the title, _Miserable at Best_, is from Miserable at Best by Mayday Parade, and so are the lyrics I use in this chapter. An awesome song/band BTW. Check it/them out!! :D**

**--mucho, mucho love, Sonya**

-xoxo-

After the dinner at Haley and Nathan's, Lucas and Peyton left. Peyton said she was tired and Haley insisted that she go home and get some rest. In all actuality, Lucas and talked to Haley alone quick and told her he needed to talk to Peyton, so she made sure they left in decent time.

When they got back to Lucas' house, Peyton hobbled up to the door and into the house. She collapsed onto the bed and groaned because she caught a glimpse of her cast; the same glimpse everyone else got when they saw it. It looked like such a spitting image of Lucas that she wanted to cry. She got up when Lucas walked through the door and went into her room. She grabbed some white out and a sharpie, and then sat down on her bed. She put white out on the part that said J. Luke and blew on it so it would dry. When it was dry, she wrote, _Jamie_ on it so everyone would know that the blonde on her cast was in fact Jamie Scott and not the boy she was still in love with.

She went back into the living room because she had left her phone on the coffee table. Lucas was sitting there with four books in his hands. The closer Peyton got she realized what they were. She was next to Lucas when she gasped and said, "Where did you get those?"

Lucas looked at her. "Talk to me, Peyton." He gave her his best pleading expression, and she finally caved. She was just too tired to argue tonight.

She sat down next to him and said, "Where did you get those Lucas?"

"Haley gave them to me."

Peyton's neck almost snapped off when she heard this. "What?" she demanded.

Lucas sighed and turned to face the blonde. "When you first were in your coma, Haley went to your house to pick up a few things. She got your iPod, which was so conveniently located next to these." Lucas gestured to the four books in his hands. He handed them to Peyton. "I'm going to be straight up honest with you right now Peyton, so don't hate me for it." Lucas waited for Peyton to nod, and when she did, he continued. "I read them. I read a couple of entries out of each one. I read the one about when I told you your art mattered, the one about when I told you it was always going to be there between us, the one from after the shooting, and the one about psycho Derek. I read the one from after the Honey Grove prom, I read the one after you went to LA and I read the one from after the proposal. I read the one from when you came back, the one from after our fight at your office, and the one from before my wedding. I read the one from after my wedding and the last one I read was from when I said I hated you. I read them, and thought about them, and you. I guess the only thing I can say is, _your art matters._ It's not much, and it doesn't even begin to cover how I feel about you living with me for this week, but god Peyton, your art matters. If I hadn't had those journals to read while you were in your coma, I don't know what I would have done. They made me think about you and about us, which is good, but mainly, they just made me realize how big of an asshole I've been. I know that doesn't even begin to cover it, and in these next few days, I'll try my best to let you know how I feel, but for right now, just know this; your art matters Peyton. It's what got me here, it's what got you here, its what got _us _here."

Peyton had a few tears trickling down her cheek. She was absolutely shocked. No one, _no one_ was supposed to see those journals, and the very last person would be Lucas friggin' Scott. But here he was, telling her he read them and telling her her art mattered. What the hell was that, anyways? _Her art mattered?_ Couldn't he just kiss her and be done with it, like any other normal guy, instead of being all deep and honest and crap and making her actually think about how she was feeling?

After a couple of long, silent minutes, Lucas said, "Peyt, come on, say something."

Peyton turned her head to face Lucas. Then she kissed him with her last once of breath she had. Lucas reciprocated the kiss, and when it started to deepen and Peyton lay on top of Luke, he pulled away. He chuckled lightly and said, "Well, okay, that's a start, but you know, I figured talking might be more effective."

Peyton smiled and pulled back. "Okay. Let's see; you invaded my personal space by reading my journals, therefore you know how I feel. You know how much it killed me to see you with Brooke Junior and Senior year. You know how much it killed me when I kissed you in the library that day. You know how much it killed me to see you propose to me, and then leave after you told me you'd wait for ever for me. You also know how much it killed me when you proposed to Lindsey after you kissed me, and how much it killed me to hear you say, 'I hate you', after I did nothing but take care of you. Did I leave anything out?"

Lucas shook his head. "Except for the fact that I still love you."

_Because these words were never easier for me to say  
Or her to second guess..._

Peyton got up. She grabbed her crutches and turned to Lucas. "You can't just say that kind of thing to me anymore, Luke. It's not fair, first of all, and if it hadn't been for my accident or those stupid journals, I wouldn't be here. So, quite frankly, I'm sorry, but I don't want to hear it. Good night," Peyton said, turning to hobble back to her room.

Lucas called out to her back, "I get it Peyton," which caused Peyton to stop, but not face him. "I get you don't really want to hear my 'crap' as you put it. But its not crap, and I'll keep giving it to you until you just push aside your friggin' stubbornness and listen to me."

Peyton was angry now. She whipped around and yelled at Lucas, "My stubbornness? MY STUBBORNESS? How about your stubbornness, Lucas? How about your stubbornness when you kept insisting you loved Lindsey or your stubbornness when you don't know when to leave well enough alone? You said so yourself, Luke. You love Lindsey. Well guess what? I love you. God, Lucas! I LOVE YOU!" She yelled at him, tears freely flowing down her face. "How's that for stubborn? I told Haley tonight that I _loved_ you, that it was three years ago and I _loved _you. But I lied, okay? Because I knew everything you said about loving me right now was from guilt. So if you could do me and my stubborn self a favor and just _shut up_ for like, ten minutes, that'd be super!" Peyton was sobbing now. She was ready to collapse on the floor, but lucky her she had her crutches to support her. When she was calm enough, she spoke again. "I love you Lucas, and I'll never stop loving you. All I need is for you to love me 

back; truly love me back. Not from guilt or something you read. Just love me for me and that's it. I'm not asking for much; I never _have_ asked for much Lucas. All I want is for you to love me, okay?"

Lucas nodded, his heart breaking with every tear that kept falling down Peyton cheek. He honest to God did not want to do this to her. He just wanted her to know how he felt! Peyton turned to head into her bedroom, but not before Lucas called out quietly but loud enough for her to hear, "I love you too, Peyton, and I swear that by the end of the week you'll realize it."

_ And I got the point that I should leave you alone  
But we both know that I'm not that strong  
And I miss the lips that made me fly_

Peyton shut the door behind her and sighed. She hoped to God Lucas was right, because she didn't think she could handle this if he didn't just show her how he truly felt.

_But I guess, that I can live without you but,  
Without you I'll be miserable at best._

-xoxo-


	18. Another author's note

**Fail. Epic, _epic_ fail. I suck. Seriously. It's Sept. 2, and I promised I'd have this story done by now. _I dont._ SO, I fail. I'm so sorry guys. For a little while, I need to go on hiatus with this. I just cant get started writing again on it! I suck, I know. But I just started tenth grade today, and my schedule is kind of packed, so schools going to be a little rough, at least until I get into the groove of everything again. Hopefully it won't take me too long and I'll be able to update this and finish it.**

**I'm sorry!**

**On another note, who watched the season premiere? Hopefully everyone reading this. hah. Who else was stoked he called Peyton? Oh right, dumb question... ;D Anyways, I'm really excited for this season, so hopefully that will give me some inspiration to start writing again.**

**And please, if you guys have any ideas, GIVE THEM TO ME! I could totally use them right about now. Again, I'm sorry. I fail. But, I will finish this story, eventually. Give it time.**

**Okay, I'm done. Thanks for all fo you who are being patient with me. XD**

**-much love, Sonya**


	19. The end!

**So I finished the story. Yay! I know it's kind of rushed, but I lost all my inspiration for this story. So I'm sorry if this sucks, but its all I could think of. So read, review, and give me feedback on this story! I'd really appreciate it.**

**Special thanks to Heather for all you've done for this story, and Helene for the idea for ending this. I greatly appreciate both of your help! And to all my readers/reviewers. Thanks to you guys, because without you, I wouldn't have gottne this far on the story!**

**--muchmuch love, Sonya**

xoxo

For the rest of the week, Lucas and Peyton stayed out of each others hair. Luke didn't want to ignore her, but he didn't want to bother her until he had thought of the perfect plan.

Peyton was out with Mia, who was home for a little bit, to get lunch when Lucas thought of the perfect plan. He was sitting at his computer trying to write _something_ when it came to him. He started viciously typing away, prepared to stay up all night if he had to. In three days, Brooke would be home and Lucas' time would be up. He knew he had to go through with his plan soon if he wanted to get Peyton back.

Peyton gimped through the door of Lucas' house with Mia following closely behind. "Mia," Peyton said, frustrated, "You didn't have to follow me inside."

Mia shrugged. "I wanted to make sure you were okay."

"I'm fine; you can leave now."

Mia shrugged, offered Peyton a hug, and then left. Peyton grumbled to herself and went into the kitchen to get something to drink. "Luke?" she called out, hoping she wasn't home alone.

"Hmm?" he mumbled from his bedroom.

Peyton gimped into his room and said, "Oh, hey."

He nodded his hello and when he finished the sentence he was on, he asked her, "Are you going to be home tonight?"

She laughed evilly. "No, I planned on going out on a cruise," she told him sarcastically with an eye roll. "Yes I'll be here. Why?"

Lucas shook his head. "Just… be here, okay?"

Peyton shrugged and said, "I was going to take a nap, do you mind?"

Lucas stood with his computer and said, "Not at all," then walked out.

A few hours later, Peyton was still sleeping, Lucas had finished what he was writing, and he was now preparing dinner of fettuccini alfredo for the two of them, along with fresh bread and wine. Lucas had the table set and was sitting down with the story he had written earlier printed out and in his hands.

Peyton had woken up from the delicious smell of pasta, her favorite, and was gimping out to the kitchen to see what was up.

First, she noticed Lucas sitting at the table with a candle lit in the middle. Then, she smelled the food, and almost dropped over it smelled so good. Then, she saw the papers in his hands. Peyton gimped over to him with a questioning look on her face and said, "What's going on?"

Lucas cleared his throat and stood up. "You said you loved me and all you needed was for me to love you for you. Well guess what? I do Peyton. I've been thinking all week about how I could get all romantic to show you, but there it is. I have nothing, except I love you. It's you, Peyton."

Peyton shook her head and took a seat at the kitchen table, tired from standing too long. She rubbed her face and when she looked up, Lucas was holding out some paper. "Read this," he prompted her, so she did.

_Long ago in a kingdom far, far away lived a beautiful princess. She had long, blonde hair and gorgeous green eyes. She was more beautiful than anything you've ever saw._

_But one day, the beautiful princess shut herself off from the world. She wouldn't let her emotions out, or anything._

_Then one day, a prince came and found her drawing a dark and tortured drawing. He questioned her and asked her what was wrong. That was all it took. That was all it ever took for the two to fall in love. He cared, and she needed caring._

_The two were happy for quite some time; that is, until the prince screwed up. He left the princess out of his own insecurities. Sadly, the princess was not happy anymore, and continued living her life without that sparkle in her eye._

_Fortunately, the prince came to his senses. He realized how much he needed the princess; unfortunately, it was too late. He had waited too long. The princess wasn't willing to take him back now._

_But, he needed the princess in his life. Without her, it was like his life wasn't worth living. She was his inspiration; his everything. So he told her this. He told her how much she meant to him and the two fell in love again. They got married, and lived in the big castle. They had two children and a dog, because the princess always wanted a dog. They were happy; and while their relationship wasn't simple or easy in the least, it was real. It was the closest either had to real, and that was all that mattered. The princess loved the prince, and vice versa, and quite frankly, that's all either needed._

Peyton shook her head and handed back the paper to Lucas. "Not fair, Luke."

Lucas shrugged. "Neither is life," he informed her. "Or love, for that matter. But, alls fair in love and war. I can't say it any simpler than I love you Peyton. It's you; it's _always_ been you."

Peyton shrugged and stood up. "That ending in your story? It's written for fairytales, and fairytales are make-believe. No one gets a fairytale ending," she said to him, turned to walk back to her room.

Lucas stopped her though. "It was Ellie that said we all deserve a fairytale ending, Peyton. You of all people should know that in the end, fairytales can exist." When Peyton didn't do or say anything Lucas sighed. "If you can look me in the eye and tell me that what I'm saying to you is crap, then fine. I'll leave it, and sacrifice you for your happiness, but if you cant, you have to come over here and kiss me like you mean it."

Peyton hobbled over to Lucas, prepared to get him out of her life for good once and for all, but as soon as she looked into his eyes, her heart melted. "I-I can't do it," she mumbled, shaking her head.

Lucas smiled. "I love you Peyton. Make this easy on me and love me back."

Peyton looked up and something in her snapped. She leaned in and kissed Lucas. At first, he was surprised, but then soon reciprocated the kiss, deepening it even. They stumbled to his bedroom, and 

fell to the bed. Unfortunately, Peyton still had her stupid cast on, so she had to pull away from Lucas before things got too hot and heavy. But looking at him with so much lust, she couldn't help it. She pulled him into her, getting as close as possible and he trailed a line of kisses from her jaw line to her neck, nipping her neck in the process. Peyton moaned, all of her pent up lust and desire coming out. The two rolled over and Peyton took the opportunity to kiss and nip Lucas' neck, his weak spot. He moaned too, causing Peyton to shiver.

Soon, all of their clothes were shed and emotions were let loose.

It was like a fireworks display going off in Peyton's head. She had wanted this for so long that she was afraid it was all her imagination. But looking at Luke's slumbering body, she got butterflies and knew that what they had, it was and always had been the real deal.

Peyton kissed Lucas' forehead and fell asleep in his arms, blissful and happy for the first time in a long time.


End file.
